Roasting Beef: Texas-Rice field temperature is truly hellacious

The Rice is cooking in the microwave, as the beef meat sizzles like no other down in Austin, Texas.
Bevo, Texas Longhorns
Bevo, Texas Longhorns / Tim Warner/GettyImages

DKR is so hot on the field before kickoff that Bevo might be cooked with Rice before Texas plays.

On the menu today in Austin, Texas is a healthy helping of beef meat with a side of dirty Rice.

Ahead of JT Daniels' third game vs. the Texas Longhorns, it is hotter than Rice cooking in a microwave. Travis Tritt may not be an owl, but it is hotter than hell in the Texas state capital. This battle between former Southwest Conference foe should result in the Longhorns going 1-0, but we need to see if Arch, Quinn and Sark can beat the heat before Bevo turns from a lovable mascot into BBQ beef.

The field temperature at DKR in Austin is 156.2 degrees Fahrenheit, so step out of the frying pan.

Could this be premonition of a Texas-sized meltdown, as Sarkisian liquifies like butter in the pan?

Texas-Rice game is hotter than hell before kickoff, so put Bevo on ice!

If anybody other than Matthew McConaughey says these playing conditions are alright, alright, alright, this is not alright. The kids aren't alright. There is no reason to come out and play when it is this hot. You may be pretty fly for a white guy, but no one is gonna give it to you, baby, if you go out there and have your cleats my like a Hershey's bar in your back pocket. Oh, we will make fun of you!

It happens. Labor Day Weekend may be the last weekend of summer for most of us, but it is not officially fall until some 20 days later. Think of that as three more weeks of work, or maybe two paychecks. That is about how many more days before people will stop making fun of me for wearing jeans every single day. It's called style, bruh. You wouldn't even know! It is not by accident, my friend.

To look this good, you have to make certain sacrifices. Thus, I choose to stay indoors most of the time like a got dam vampire. This is so the sun doesn't age my beautiful face like a raisin. I heard it through the grapevine that JT is gonna start for his fourth FBS team in five or six years. You come to FanSided to be entertained, and not do math. So I'm not going to do math. I am going to eat beef!

By the time this game really gets underway, we cannot tell the mascot from the line meat cooking.

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