The Shohei Ohtani translator debacle feels like an episode of Arrested Development

As Michael Bluth once said, "Watch out for hop-ons!" I don't know if Shohei Ohtani's translator Ippei Mizuhara is a hop-on in the Arrested Development sense, but he certainly is enjoying the free ride his version of The Bluth Company has provided him.

While unlike all of Michael's three siblings who have never worked a day in their life, they have collected money they did not earn from their breadwinner.

All the while, the rest of the baseball world is either absolutely devastated or is cackling hysterically in an alley somewhere over the utter madness that has ensued. It is called March Madness for a reason, folks! While I may not be the most caught up-to-date person at FanSided on all things Ohtani scandal (that would be Alicia de Artola Castillo), I am still trying to wrap my head around what is even going on.

For a team like the Los Angeles Dodgers, there is always money in the banana stand. The problem with literally lining banana stand's wall with cold, hard cash is the expression may get lost in translation. That is why you leave a note! If only Ohtani's translator was J. Walter Weatherman... Unfortunately, Ohtani's handlers are using the equivalent of Barry Zuckercorn to give them the facts.

Ohtani doesn't have the worst attorney, he just has handlers who are complete and utter idiots.

Yes, these handlers used the translator to allegedly stole from him to translate what all is going on...

To make matters even more hilarious, or sad, Ohtani apparently mastered English back in 2021...

With this coming from a guy who doesn't like to talk much in his former Los Angeles Angels teammate Mike Trout, it speaks volumes, as it comes from a Milford Man from Millville, New Jersey.

Shohei Ohtani's translator scandal is an Arrested Development episode

No, this isn't like Maggie Lizer pretending to be blind handing evidence to Michael Bluth pretending to be Chareth Cutestory. As the old adage goes, Justice is blind, and he is a dog... For Ohtani being the biggest star in Japan and all, this story feels so incredibly Hollywood. Of course, most of us don't actually understand what is going on, so I'll give a little peak behind the curtain about translators...

More often than not, most athletes who aspire to play professionally in the United States of America learn English. Whether that is during classes during their stint in the minor leagues, or instruction at the major league level, everybody knows that communication is important to get on the same page. It is why many native English speakers also try their best to pick up on some Spanish along the way.

What the media isn't telling you is most of these guys can speak passable English. This is all about having an avenue to speak more articulately in your native tongue to give better context in a quote to journalists. It is a safety blanket, to some extent, but it is also to be a means to not be misquoted. You know, that is kind of what lawyers do for their clients to prevent them from implicating themselves in a court of law.

The Ohtani translator scandal is the craziest thing to happen to the Dodgers since Frank McCourt.