Welcome to the NFL: Someone please teach Jayden Daniels to slide

There is a fairly decent chance that Jayden Daniels has never even heard of the Goo Goo Dolls. While one defender after another would give up forever to touch you, I just want you to know who I am. I don't know how to do a lot things, but I know how to slide and I know Goo Goo Dolls lyrics. I won't tell them your name when you attend The Sid Bream Sliding Academy, and the best part is that you don't even have to be fast to last in this school!

Admittedly, there are a lot of things people don't know how to do in Washington. From running a country and driving safely to developing a competent non-hockey team and, apparently, sliding. This is how you remind me of what I really am, D.C.? It's not like you to say sorry, but while you're waiting on a different story, this time I am not going to be mistaken for handing you a heart worth breaking like RGIII once did.

Although I have never walked onto the field of play in Washington, I know that they have railings that collapse on the reg, pipes that are... bursting with excitement, and a team that wants to command your attention. Again, I won't tell them your name, Washington.

All jokes aside, Daniels potentially getting hurt because he doesn't know how to slide is simply not acceptable for this here franchise. This stadium's turf does worse things to legs than a sleazy uncle's cover band does to ZZ Top songs.

When those G-Men got you under pressure, you must do as the Goo Goo Dolls do and just slide.

Jayden Daniels needs to learn from the Goo Goo Dolls

Assuming his legs don't disintegrate like Washingtonian popsicle sticks akin to Alex Smith, Robert Griffin III or Joe Theismann, the Washington Commanders may need to send Daniels to a Washington Nationals game, for free, to learn how to slide. I don't know if that franchise knows how to do anything anymore, but it would be a great way for Daniels to see how the other half of Washington sports lives.

This team picked No. 2 overall for a reason last spring. They didn't have a quarterback. There is a reason why Dan Quinn, Adam Peters and Kliff Kingsbury took jobs with Washington. They trust new owner Josh Harris to help turn this franchise around from being the sorriest bag of crap you could ever find floating off a Daniel Snyder yacht. They went to Washington to draft a player like Daniels!

I had high hopes for this team. While I fully expected Washington to get off to a slow start, the fact that the Commanders ending up being a sneaky-good team had everything to do with Daniels growing and learning from a more-than-capable NFL staff. It is not like Quinn and Kingsbury don't know what they're doing. They know good quarterback play when they see it.

It would be such a tremendous way to repay all their hard work and investment by refusing to slide.