Game of the weekend: Nottingham Forest v. Manchester City (Saturday, 7:30 a.m. EST)
While misspending a good portion of my youth at the OTB and racetrack, my father and I used to look on bewildered at dedicated harness racing players. Harness racing always seemed so silly, as I suppose power walking in the Olympics does, becuase the whole premise is, "Go not your fastest the fastest."
That's kind of what the Premier League has been reduced to from now until the end of May. There isn't a title race, so all the drama is located with finding out which of the teams that aren't the best are the best. There's a complete free-for-fall for the Champions League places, which will probably extend to 5th place. Forest and City are two of them at the top of the pile, and they'll meet for the lunchtime game on Saturday.
Had this game taken place six weeks ago, we know what it would have looked like. A wheezing City side running into a deep Forest wall before the latter countered at pace right past a City midfield that always looked like Daffy Duck crawling out of the desert and drinking the sand. However, Forest's iron curtain has rusted a bit of late, giving up four goals to Newcastle, five to Bournemouth, two to Fulham in recent weeks before rediscovering their miserly ways against striker-less Arsenal.
City, meanwhile, have gotten a small injection of spriteliness, though that didn't stop them from getting clocked by Real Madrid or being nullified by Liverpool. They did hold off Spurs in their last league game and avoided embarrassment from Plymouth. Omar Marmoush and Erling Haaland are now both healthy and in the team, so there's at least a chance of spark. A Forest win will take them four points above City, whereas the reverse will see City move into 3rd.
The rest...
Brighton vs. Fulham (Saturday, 10 a.m. EST)
This is in the same Champions League bar brawl as the above fixture, just more at the periphery of it. It's eighth vs. ninth, but they're only three and four points out of fifth, respectively. Fulham have been a little ropey of late, though getting the results. They squeaked by Wolves, played their third insipid torture device against United in the FA Cup while advancing via penalties, and getting turned over at home by Palace before that. Brighton are on a tear, winning their last five in all competitions and outscoring their opponents 13-3 in that spell. That's good whompin'!
Crystal Palace vs. Ipswich (Saturday, 10 a.m. EST)
Palace have gotten spicy of late since being able to field a fully functional front-three of Eze, Mateta, and Sarr. They've won their last three, five of their last six, and eight of their last 10 in all comps. Ipswich have mastered the art of playing just well enough to break their fans' hearts. Would their fans be happier if they were Southampton and just getting their brains beaten in every week with their fate decided long ago? It's the hope that kills you, and Ipswich can still just about see their salvation. It just doesn't get any closer.
Liverpool vs. Southampton (Saturday, 10 a.m. EST)
The only drama about this one is how much Liverpool will rotate between Champions League fixtures. Will Mo Salah actually miss a Premier League game? One would think a 1st vs. last encounter is the perfect time to roll out the B-team, but managers can get weird about rhythm and such. Now picture Arne Slot dancing...
Brentford vs. Aston Villa (Saturday, 12:30 p.m. EST)
Once again, Villa try to navigate a league game after a Champions League game, which has been their Waterloo all season. They won their first one in September and haven't won any of the other seven. Facing a high-intensity Brentford away from home is probably not what they would have ordered to change that. Villa are probably the last team in the Champions League places derby and need to win this to stay so.
Wolves vs. Everton (Saturday, 3 p.m. EST)
A few months ago, this would have been a relegation six-pointer. Thanks to the crap nature of the promoted three and managerial changes for both teams, they've basically pulled away from the relegation zone and are mostly free to take part in the buffet. Wolves will still be looking over their shoulder at the front door a bit, not only because of the five-point gap to Ipswich still being technically negotiable, but because they'll be without their best player, Matheus Cunha, for the foreseeable future after he went all Dog Day Afternoon against Bournemouth last weekend and will be suspended for a long while.
Chelsea vs. Leicester (Sunday, 10 a.m. EST)
Ah, that weird week where the clocks have changed here but not there and everything is an hour later. Makes everything seem just slightly askew. It feels like people spent so long trying to figure out what Chelsea have been as they've bounced from laughingstock to surprise team to struggler to something else that everyone is just exhausted and given up caring. This means a lot haven't realized that they currently hold fifth spot and get this hanging curveball while other top-five hopefuls bludgeon each other. Maybe they're best when no one's looking, like Invisible Boy.
Spurs vs. Bournemouth (Sunday 10 a.m. EST)
This one would be spikier if Ange Postecoglou hadn't made it clear that Spurs were only concerned about the Europa League now. If he named a changed side against City, what do you think will happen between two Europa League fixtures this Sunday? Bournemouth need the points much more as they're in the thick of the top-five race. But their league performances have really hit the skids as their injury problems and intense style have caught up. Maybe a 90-minute date with a second-choice Spurs side is exactly what they need.
Manchester United vs. Arsenal (Sunday, 12:30 p.m. EST)
Arsenal should be feeling themselves after putting seven past 11 beer vendors wearing PSV shirts on Tuesday, and there's plenty of jokes to be made about staying at that level of opposition when.visiting Old Trafford on Sunday. That said, United have been able to drag good teams down into their preferred muck. We know what it'll look like. Arsenal throwing a bunch of blunt instruments as a half-finished wall of United's deep defense. It's just whether or not Arsenal get caught on one of United's accidental counters or whether André Onana does an Alisson impression or does his own version of A Chorus Line. It's only one or the other with him.
West Ham vs. Newcastle (Monday, 4 p.m. EST)
Newcastle can't completely ignore this one, even with the Carabao Cup final the following weekend, given that they're right in the middle of the fight for fifth. West Ham have had 10 days off to bask in two wins in a row coming into this one, and the Magpies will be without the suspended Anthony Gordon and possibly an ouchy Alexander Isak being saved for the final. Maybe not quite the game you'd risk going home during rush hour to see.