Ranking the cringiest puns Scott Boras used to describe his clients at MLB GM Meetings

Scott Boras has developed a well-deserved reputation as baseball's premiere super agent. Name a memorable contract over the past 25 years or so, and chances are that Boras was the man responsible for getting it done. But while he may present as MLB's boogeyman, there's another field in which Boras' gifts are unmatched: making some of the most audacious puns you've ever heard in your life.

Listening to a Boras press conference is like listening to your dad throw up heat checks at the Thanksgiving table; no topic of conversation is safe, no phrasing too tortured to turn into some A+ (or F-, depending on your perspective) wordplay. And with Boras set to embark on one of his most momentous offseasons ever — representing clients from Juan Soto to Corbin Burnes to Pete Alonso to Alex Bregman this winter — you knew he was going to be in fine form when he got on the mic for his standing press conference at MLB's GM Meetings. Here now is a (frighteningly incomplete) ranking of all the cringiest puns Boras broke out this year.

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5. Calling Corbin Burnes a 'Corbin copy'

Burnes enjoyed a very Corbin Burnes season in 2024: 15 wins, ERA under 3, 194.1 innings, very tidy WHIP. Potential suitors have to value that sort of consistency in a pitcher that figures to command over $200 million this winter. You might even say it was a ... Corbin copy of his previous few years. Or, you would if you were Scott Boras.

4. 'Behind every great magician is the magic Juan'

Soto is the headliner of Boras' merry free-agent band, but we have to be honest, he drew the short end of the wordplay stick here. Given Soto's unprecedented market, one that could potentially reach as high as Shohei Ohtani's record $700 million mark, we expected something a little more involved than a "magic Juan" joke.

3. Alex Bregman is AB positive

Now we're talking. On first blush, Bregman wouldn't seem to have a particularly pun-friendly name. But this isn't Boras' first rodeo; just give him time and eventually he'll find something, while making a pretty compelling case for Bregman's on-field value to boot. ("Infusion of championship blood" is a bit of an unsettling image though.)

2. A (polar) bear market for Pete Alonso

Nicknames are like catnip to Boras; the man quite literally cannot help himself. So it's no surprise that he had a field day with "The Polar Bear" Pete Alonso, fitting in not one but two puns when asked about the former New York Mets first baseman's market this winter. The past few years have been a bear market for first basemen on the wrong side of 30, but Alonso figures to break the mold if Boras has anything to say about it.

1. The (Blake) Snelling salts

Ah, the piece de resistance. I'm honestly not even sure how Boras managed to come up with this one; maybe it came to him in a dream last night, bolting him awake in his hotel bed. Whatever the case, "Snelling salts" was good enough, but "the market has definitely awakened" is what takes this over the top.

Boras has become public enemy No. 1 to a lot of fans over the years, but you have to give credit where it's due.