Club World Cup winners after Chelsea's shocking win over PSG
Cole Palmer
In the past, the British soccer press heaped too much pressure on this brilliant young attacker, blaming his lack of production for every negative result that Chelsea suffered. Now that he has more offensive talent around him, the Blues’ No. 10 dominated the Parisians with a shot from the top of the box that opened the scoring followed by a blistering solo run from the right side that will be on everyone’s highlight reel, both accompanied by his trademark shivering goal celebration. Has anybody noticed that he looks like Gerran Howell, who plays Dr. Whitaker on The Pitt? They both have unflattering haircuts and sometimes look overwhelmed, but they both tend to get the job done.
Todd Boehly
The American holding company CEO has been a lightning rod for criticism ever since his takeover of Chelsea (after the British government seized the team from Roman Abramovich following Russia’s invasion of Ukraine), as soccer fans around the world have ridiculed him for spending billions to improve the club without a trophy to show for it. Now there’s a piece of silverware for him to point at, and the fact that it came in surprising fashion makes it all the better.
MetLife Stadium
For what seems to be an eternity, the New Jersey stadium’s NFL tenants have treated fans to rancid displays of football, so it’s about time that MetLife hosted a game that meant something. The trophy celebrations will be something to remember come the NFL playoffs, when the bleachers will be empty.
Club World Cup losers
Paris Saint-Germain
The team had already won the treble of a Ligue 1 title, the Coupe de France and the Champions League, and the Club World Cup would have given them an unprecedented quadruple. No dice, and now they’ll have to fly back to Paris with a heavily abbreviated offseason, as their players will have only a month to rest before the new Ligue 1 campaign starts up and they’ll have to travel to Nantes. We’ll see how well their young squad holds up in the new year.
João Neves
In American football, you are allowed to tackle the ball-carrier by pulling on his hair, if his hair is long enough. The PSG midfielder evidently thought he was playing our football when he yanked on Marc Cucurella’s locks and brought the Chelsea defender down in the dying minutes. (Then again, Cucurella did enough to bait him into it.) Neves’ red card likely made no difference in the final result, but it was a bad look for the Portuguese player.
Gianni Infantino and Donald Trump
Boo, hiss! Go away! Some of the world’s best teams gave their Stateside fans a great display this summer. Nobody wants to see you guys come in at the end of it and steal the spotlight from the players and coaches who deserve it. This is even worse than those Qatari sheikhs horning in at the last World Cup. Stay away from our soccer.