We asked AI to figure out how to defeat the 2025 Los Angeles Dodgers

After another offseason where the Los Angeles Dodgers spent the gross national product of a small country to beef up their roster, they also painted a bullseye on themselves. Not only are many calling for rules changes regarding a potential salary cap as well as closing the deferral loophole, but many fans are also just sick of the L.A. and think they are ruining the game of baseball. "Why is it always the Dodgers?!" is a meme at this point after each signing, but it is also kind of true.

Whether we like it or not, it is kind of always the Dodgers when it comes to big free agent signings — and their 2025 roster does look like the Monstars from Space Jam, except without a Michael Jordan-type to swoop in and save the day. For many, the Dodgers have played within the rules, but they also look unbeatable coming off their 2024 World Series title.

Of course, we know better than that. As good as the Dodgers are, baseball is a cruel, cruel sport where teams have to survive 162 regular-season games and then have all that almost not matter at all once the playoffs arrive. If the Diamondbacks and Guardians can make deep postseason runs, anything is possible.

Still, it would be nice to have a game plan as to how actually beat the Dodgers this coming season. Instead of doing actual work analyzing matchups and player tendencies/trends, we decided to just ask AI how to do it. The results were predictable.

Here is AI's game plan for how the beat the 2025 Dodgers

After consulting with a pair of AI search engines, the path to victory seems clear. Sure, the Dodgers have All-Stars on both sides of the ball and they should be the prohibitive favorites to win the World Series again in 2025, but we have the power of half-baked technology that uses data of questionable value at our disposal. Here is the plan:

The power of positive thinking

Step one is to know how to win, and the AI engines came up clutch here. Gems such as "pitch very well", "have a strong lineup", "use your bullpen effectively", and "play smart defense" are going to carry the day for us here. Who would have thought that just playing better than the Dodgers would be the key to victory?!

Use sabermetrics/advanced analytics

Next up is to beat the Dodgers with math. Both engines felt strongly that a reliance on advanced metrics in game-planning against L.A. is the key. Sure, any advanced metrics system would tell you that, by the numbers, the Dodgers will be favored (often heavily) against any other roster because they have a team full of guys that advanced metrics love. We care not for common sense here. Do the math, execute, and the wins will come.

Score more runs than the Dodgers

A bold strategy, but it may be crazy enough to work. In the game of baseball, the team with the most runs at the end of the game wins. All we have to do is just score more than them and victory is assured. Thanks AI!

Exploit weaknesses on their roster like Walker Buehler and Jack Flaherty

Now we've got them. Walker Buehler is coming off an injury and really struggled in the 2024 regular season once he returned. Flaherty had some bright spots after being traded to the Dodgers, but he folded like cheap lawn furniture in the playoffs. Just take care of business against those guys and we will be in good shape.

Wait, what's that? AI is using an old database of information and neither Flaherty nor Buehler are playing for the Dodgers this coming season? Okay, whatever. Just hope that they re-sign Clayton Kershaw, that he sucks, and then we have a plan. We can always try to get to Gavin Lux in their lineup when we need an out, right? Right?!

Bunt more

They'll never see this coming after our analytics-heavy opening salvo. We execute a sane strategy of trying to make hard contact for the first few frames and L.A. is thinking "we have to play deep as these guys are making loud contact". Then, we go full Brett Butler small ball with drag bunts down the third-base line. Sure, bunting is a good way to get a 98-mph fastball deposited into your soft body and it never works, but they sure will be surprised.

Play the Dodgers at home

Ah yes, the ace in the hole. As we all know, the home team always has the advantage in a given matchup, talent be damned. They may have Shohei Ohtani, Mookie Betts, Freddie Freeman, Tyler Glasnow, Yoshinobu Yamamoto, and Blake Snell among others, but the home crowd being on our side will make all the difference. When in doubt, the schedule will bail us out.

Wait, what did you say? We have no control over the schedule, teams have an even split of home-road games, and the Dodgers are likely to have home-field advantage in the playoffs because they are awesome? Okay, let's put a pin in that one.

Acquire good players

Of course! Now we have it. Apparently if you just sign or trade for ace pitchers and strong power hitters who get on base, the odds of winning go up dramatically. We'll just sign Blake Snell, Roki Sasaki, and Teoscar Hernandez and victory is assured! The Yankees are always signing top free agents, and look at all of the World Series they have won since 2010!

Oh, the Dodgers already signed all three of those guys and more? Well, at least we tried.

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