I am now one haircut closer to playing for the New York Yankees. Growing up, I idolized Don Mattingly as one of my favorite first basemen. The bat, the glove, the mustache. He was a cult hero before I knew what that was. In the years since he retired, the Yankees continued to implement an antiquated facial hair and grooming policy. Clean cut, a mustache, and that is it! It became increasingly archaic.
While the Steinbrenners were not able to completely get rid of Randy Johnson's epic Alabama waterfall, they transformed grimy Jason Giambi into a jacked mall cop. I would be lying to you if I did not think about what they did to Kevin Youkilis' swashbuckling beard back in the day on the regular. For full-grown men like myself who hate to put a razor to their face, today is a day to never forget.
Yes, the Yankees have done away with their former facial hair policy. It has been amended to allow well-groomed beards, which is certainly acceptable. This is probably because the internet began to break the Yankees' will over this matter. For a minute there, we lived in a world where neck tattoos were more acceptable than five o'clock shadow in The Bronx. People are people. This is just baseball.
Hal Steinbrenner did something his late father George would have never tolerated for one second.
Statement from Yankees Managing General Partner Hal Steinbrenner on the alteration of Yankees facial hair policy: pic.twitter.com/UdEuAg3gZy
— New York Yankees (@Yankees) February 21, 2025
In the meantime, we need to check in on Don Mattingly to see how his luscious sideburns are doing.
This is probably the coolest thing the Yankees have ever done, so we need to give them their props.
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New York Yankees will allow players to have well-groomed beards now!
Growing hair on your face is one of the best things you can do as a man. Shaving might have seemed like fun initially, but it is expensive and time-consuming, and who loves all the side effects that come along with it? From razor burn, to nicks and cuts, to just a brutal complexion to begin with, I was done shaving my face after I turned 24. For 11 years, I could have never played for the Yankees. What a day!
There are other reasons why Steinbrenner adapting to modern times is a good thing that I do not need to address. I will say this does impact the Yankees in a positive direction from a roster-building standpoint. Players known for their beards and facial will not have to think twice after being traded over there or sign with them in free agency. We can be classy and handsome without being mall cops.
At the end of the day, when you are the only one still doing something, and everyone else has evolved, shouldn't you? This is a great day for baseball because we now have a new team to collectively hate in the Los Angeles Dodgers. Congratulations, Yankees! You passed your final test after failing it so many times before?! This gives me so much hope for the future of all mankind.
Next up: We need to break Notre Dame's will and make the Fighting Irish have to join a conference.