For most of the past two decades, the San Antonio Spurs have been the most successful sports franchise in North America. As with everything, there are any number of factors to which one can point for attributing success, but above all else, and more than any other franchise in the NBA, the Spurs place a particular emphasis on tradition.
From David Robinson to Bruce Bowen, from Boris Diaw to Tim Duncan, to the seemingly interminable influx of uniquely complementary pieces and Gregg Popovich’s indomitable hold on the NBA head coaching throne, the Spurs pride themselves on consistency and the Aristotelian habit of excellence. Perhaps no Spurs tradition is more important, however, than the stream of commercials the players film together for the San Antonio-based grocery chain HEB.
Each year, Spurs players advocate on behalf of their hometown grocery retailer, showcasing HEB products such as steaks and Greek yogurt while showcasing their multinational camaraderie. The commercials serve as a platform for self-referential dad humor and Vaudevillian visual shtick, such as when Kawhi Leonard’s oven mitt is too small at a cooking class hosted by none other than Tony Parker, or when Danny Green and Patty Mills make The Coyote a test subject for the strength of aluminum foil.
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During Thursday night’s 102-94 win over the Sacramento Kings, HEB rolled out its latest iterations of these absurd advertisements. In the first, the Spurs are hosting a farmer’s market, complete with pears from Spain for Pau Gasol, Texas corn from LaMarcus Aldridge, and, improbably, a strawberry shortcake from France, courtesy of Chef Tony. Kawhi Leonard has Californian plumcots, though it stands to reason he would rather be pushing out mangoes.
In the second, Manu Ginobili and Pau Gasol teach Danny Green and Patty Mills how to speak Spanish purely through the consumption of meat.
In the third, to commemorate the purchase of Asian stir-fry, the Spurs are practicing origami. LaMarcus Aldridge proudly displays the leaping ability of his frog before erroneously referring to Patty Mills’ creation as an alligator, which elicits an especially displeased reaction.
The prize of this commercial, however, is Kawhi Leonard’s exhibition of his creation, a snowball. When Ginobili compliments Kawhi’s work, telling him it is a pretty good snowball, the artist replies with, simply, “Yeah, I know.”
These commercials are an annual treat to NBA fans, particularly due to the mostly buttoned-up nature of the Spurs organization, many members of which shy away from large-scale endorsements. They are perfect showcases for San Antonio’s players, and we should all be grateful to HEB and YouTube for allowing those of us outside of the central Texas market to see them.
HEB’s Spurs commercials are a creative and promotional triumph. The only thing left at this point is to somehow cajole Gregg Popovich into one, perhaps by feeding him a tailored comedic insight such as, “I don’t know; bread is good, that’s all.”