WWE Attitude Era matches you wish had happened

Feb 24, 2013; New York, NY, USA; WWE legend Mick Foley at the game between the New York Knicks and the Philadelphia 76ers at Madison Square Garden. Mandatory Credit: Anthony Gruppuso-USA TODAY Sports

Varoon Bose is a writer for Fansided partner, BroJackson.com.

When I periodically turn on WWE Raw these days, I always find myself searching for old WWE clips on Youtube by the end of the night. I mean really, it doesn’t get better than Undertaker throwing Mankind off a 20 foot cage of doom through the Spanish announce table. But while the Attitude Era in the WWE provided us with some of the greatest matches of all time, there are still many matches that we never got to witness for one reason or another. Let’s take a stroll down memory lane and create ten matches that we all wish could have happened during the Attitude Era.

Triple H vs Mick Foley: Retirement Match
At the peak of their rivalry, Triple H wanted to get rid of Mick Foley so badly, that at one point he and his wife Stephanie fired Foley from the WWE. But why not get rid of Foley the fair way? Why not increase the stakes and challenge him to a match in which the loser would never set foot in the WWE again? I assume that the match would be (to quote good ol’ J.R.) an absolute slobberknocker. And I imagine that Mr. Socko, a sledgehammer and even a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire would all make an appearance. The only problem with this match is that there would have to be a loser, and both options make my heart sink.

Ken Shamrock vs Kurt Angle vs Chris Jericho vs Chris Benoit vs Bret Hart vs Tazz: Submission Battle Royal
Just imagine the following sequence: Benoit locks Tazz in the Crippler Crossface. Then, Shamrock and Angle each grab a leg of Benoit and administer double ankle lock submissions. But hold on! Jericho and Hart catch Angle and Shamrock in the Walls of Jericho and the Sharpshooter respectively. Wait, I think I just wrote the opening scene for “Human Centipede 3.”

Shawn Michaels vs. Jeff Hardy: Ladder Match
Shawn Michaels stole the show in arguably the greatest ladder match of all time at Wrestlemania X against Razor Ramon. And Jeff Hardy did stuff like this on a regular basis. I would expect the referee to raise whatever title belt they were competing for a few extra feet and only allow these two daredevils to only use 20-foot ladders. Oh, and both competitors would be required to wear GoPro cameras. Eat your heart out, X-Games.

Every Diva From the Attitude Era (special guest referee: Jerry “The King” Lawler): Bikini Contest

…well, all Divas except Mae Young. Gross

Kane vs. Undertaker (special guest referee: Paul Bearer)
Three stages of Hell Match
Kane and the Undertaker were born for this match. To kick off this best of three extravaganza, The Big Red Machine and the Deadman would battle it out in Hell in a Cell. Following that, they would grapple in an Inferno match, in which one brother must set the other on fire. And the third fall? It would be only fitting to have it decided by a Buried Alive Match. But a forewarning: there is a solid chance that at some point, both brothers turn on Bearer, throw him in the grave and unload the dirt truck on him.

Big Show vs. Viscera vs. Mark Henry
It really doesn’t matter what type of match this is. But, if Brock Lesnar and the Big Show could do this, then Viscera, Mark Henry and the Big Show could probably bring the Superdome to ruins.

Edge/Christian vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Hardy Boyz
TLC III
OK fine, I realize this match has happened. Twice. But I don’t care. Without a doubt, these three tag teams were the most innovative when it came to tables, ladders and chairs. And if you recall the history of the the TLC matches, you should be wiping off the drool on your chin. Remember when Bubba Ray fell through four tables? Or when Edge speared Jeff Hardy as he hung from the Tag Team belts? If TLC III actually happened, one thing is certain: these six men would sacrifice their bodies and perhaps a few folding tables to put on one hell of a show.

Scottie 2 Hottie vs. Grand Master Sexay vs. Rikishi
Triple Threat Dance-Off
This one just is not fair. The 500 pound Rikishi would simply dominate with his blubber pop-locking. He needs real competition. Can someone get B.J. Raji on the phone?

I Quit Match
Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels
Though these two guys aren’t related, they might as well be. They both formed DX together, and their antics rocked the first part of the Attitude Era. But when Michaels faded due to injury, it opened up the door for his buddy Triple H to become a dominant force in the WWE. But best friends can be your worst enemies, and that cannot be truer for HBK and the Game. The only people who could inflict enough pain to get either Michaels or Triple H to say the words “I Quit” are each other.

Iron Man Match
The Rock vs. Stone Cold
And finally we come to this…

The two most iconic superstars of the WWE Attitude era.
The Texas Rattlesnake, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
The People’s Champion, The Rock.
A one hour gauntlet that will test their will and their tenacity.

What say you, N64 kid?

Yeah, I agree.