Mark Cuban dumps on DeAndre Jordan’s apology
Mark Cuban was having none of DeAndre Jordan’s apology.
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Is anyone else starting to really like the sports world in July? Like yeah, we have no football or basketball, and the best thing on a Wednesday night is watching an underperforming Braves team get its teeth kicked in by Team X. But at least thanks to social media we pretty much have front-row access to all the cat fights that used to only play out behind closed doors.
J.J. Watt and Zach Mettenberger playing Mean Girls over selfies; NBA players going to the mattresses in emoji wars; Chris Broussard tossing around sources just because he can (ps. I really wish FanSided would let us do source reporting, because I would out-Broussard the hell out of Chris) – it’s the wild west out there. I can get behind one month of cattiness and tabloid fodder before we recharge for, you know, stuff that actually matters. It’s a nice break from the real world.
The latest spat coming down the chute has Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban going knuckle-deep on what he considers a hollow apology from DeAndre Jordan.
The story is well chronicled by now: DeAndre decides to leave the Clippers. DeAndre decides to sign with the Mavericks. The Clippers may-or-may-not hire a P.I., hold DeAndre hostage and threaten to leak his closet’s skeletons to the Deep Internet. DeAndre decides to renege on Mavs deal and re-sign in L.A. Cuban decides to go scorched earth.
After laying waste to Chris Broussard (yes, forcing a reporter to apologize for inaccuracies is the equivalent of putting him/her in a body bag – just ask Brian Williams), it appeared as though the dust had settled and we could move on.
That is until DeAndre had to go and try his hand at an apology.
I want to publicly apologize to one of the best owners in the world @MCuban, the @DallasMavs and their fans.
— DeAndre Jordan 🐺 (@DeAndre) July 11, 2015
I am humbled by @DallasMavs & @MCuban kindness and understanding. I am sorry to have a change of heart.
— DeAndre Jordan 🐺 (@DeAndre) July 11, 2015
Let’s get back to talking about basketball and winning games in 2015. Thank You! #ClipperNation @clippersteveb #Home pic.twitter.com/O9j4QFbU4h
— DeAndre Jordan 🐺 (@DeAndre) July 11, 2015
Oh, DeAndre. Sweet, sweet DeAndre. Big mistake. Huge.
I’d like to believe that the moment Cuban read that string of tweets he morphed into Colonel Nathan R. Jessup and decided it was time to virtually rip the eyes out of some online skulls.
(NSFW)
President MFFL took to Cyber Dust (an invention birthed from another time somebody publicly pissed Cuban off – looking at you, Securities and Exchange Commission), to drop a fat deuce on DeAndre’s apology.
That’s a shot, Johnny.
Cuban is either saying that DeAndre, on his own, can’t even tweet out 280 characters to apologize – straight Larry Kinging him – or claiming that Jordan is insincere and didn’t even craft the apology himself. Which is worse? Both? Neither?
(Side note: is it really an apology if you type it into an app on your phone?)
And for the uninitiated, the one-name snipe is the equivalent of an online headshot. Shaq, Kobe, Dirk, Zaza. Sorry about your luck, DeAndre Jordan. Besides, you were really a fallback plan for Pachu … Zaza. Just a savage beat down by Cuban.
All that’s left is Cuban clowning DeAndre on a random episode of Shark Tank.
Look, I’m out. And I’ll tell you why. I look into those eyes and I see a person who doesn’t know what they want. Today you want retail, tomorrow you want e-commerce. You’re all over the map. You’re what I call a DeAndre Jordan. I’m not looking to invest in DeAndre Jordans; I only want Zazas.
It’s a blood game, and Cuban is not letting anyone up for air.
(Ps. Love that everything Cuban does is through Cyber Dust – just force-feeding it to the world. Power moves only.)