Hot coffee and cold takes: Wednesday morning front page roundup

Rounding up all the news (and non-news) from the early morning headlines.

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I’ve been charged with the duty of gatekeeper for FanSided’s morning shift, which starts at 6 a.m. my time (Central). Given that half the waking world is still rubbing crust out of its eyes, and that our night crew is so efficient, this means finding new things to write on so early in the morning can be challenging. So, in an effort to remain productive, I’ve decided to round up any/everything pertinent from the morning front pages around the Internet and compile them here.

This concept could work; it could flame out quickly. If the latter, well, enjoy it while you can – nothing lives forever on the Internet, right?

Nov 24, 2014; Detroit, MI, USA; New York Jets quarterback Michael Vick (1) sits on the bench after being pulled from the game during the fourth quarter against the Buffalo Bills at Ford Field. Mandatory Credit: Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports

Steelers sign Mike Vick

Story: The Pittsburgh Steelers met with Michael Vick on Tuesday morning and then signed the veteran quarterback later that evening. Vick will play backup to Ben Roethlisberger.

Spin: The Steelers were worried about not Antonio Brown, Martavis Bryant, Markus Wheaton, Darius Heyward-Bey, Le’Veon Bell and DeAngelo Williams not being explosive enough on offense. They needed more firepower. However, they’re quite pleased with the team’s depth on defense.

Cold Take: Vick will start only one game, and that will be on the road against Cleveland. The Dawg Pound will give him hell, but Vick will give an electrifying throwback performance and kill it for the day.

Nov 29, 2014; Tallahassee, FL, USA; Florida Gators helmet before the game against the Florida State Seminoles at Doak Campbell Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Melina Vastola-USA TODAY Sports

Florida Gators declined to sign Sam Ukwuachu

Story: After Sam Ukwuachu was released from Boise State, several programs reached out to the Broncos and then-head coach Chris Petersen to get a full scope of the player. The Florida Gators were one of those programs. After learning that Ukwuachu had once allegedly punched through a couple’s window while in their home, and also allegedly punched and choked a girlfriend while in Boise, then-Gators coach Will Muschamp decided to stay away. Ukwuachu would end up at Baylor, and has since been convicted of sexually assaulting a former Baylor soccer player in 2013.

Spin: It was actually a two-way street, as Ukwuachu also decided against going to UF. Turns out he wanted to live in a place where sexual assault convictions carry the harsh sentence of 180 days of jail time.

Cold Take: Muschamp wanted to run one of the cleanest programs around after being tasked with shoveling out all the skeletons Urban Meyer left in his Gainesville coaching closet. He also didn’t want any off-the-field riffraff obscuring the flaming dumpster fire that would take the field in his final two years at Florida.

Aug 2, 2013; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Philadelphia Phillies wall of fame inductee Curt Schilling is introduced during the 2013 Philadelphia Phillies wall of fame induction ceremony prior to playing the Atlanta Braves at Citizens Bank Park. The Braves defeated the Phillies 6-4. Mandatory Credit: Howard Smith-USA TODAY Sports

Curt Schilling suspended from ESPN

Story: Curt Schilling sends (then deletes) befuddling tweet that juxtaposes Muslims of today with Germans in Nazi Germany. Curt Schilling is promptly pulled from all Little League World Series coverage and suspended by ESPN.

Spin: The Mothership actually pulled Schilling because he deleted the tweet, not because he sent it, stating behind closed doors that, “Pulling the tweet was completely out of character from what we all know and expect out of that crazy bastard Curt Schilling. We don’t pay for half-measures and soft takes.”

Cold Take: The Muslim-Nazi tweet was actually way down the list on what Schilling was going to send out. He 86ed a picture of Prophet Muhammad, an ISIS beheading and a still of lil’ Travis Coates putting down Old Yeller, feeling they all crossed the line. Curt Schilling actually does think before he tweets.

Jul 23, 2014; Hollywood, CA, USA; Southern California Trojans head coach Steve Sarkisian talks to the media during the Pac-12 Media Day at the Studios at Paramount. Mandatory Credit: Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

Steve Sarkisian fallout

Story: Steve Sarkisian once again apologized for getting drunk and talking trash at the weekend’s Salute to Troy event. Sarkisian was punished by his players (up-downs galore), reprimanded by AD Pat Haden and has reportedly sought treatment.

Spin: Sark was actually giving a life’s lesson to all his players on why you should never drink booze and take pills. The event was an elaborate scheme to show the team how quickly roses can turn to compost.

Cold Take: Since Cordell Broadus no longer plays for UCLA, Snoop has hopped back aboard the Trojan Horse. And with booze no longer allowed in the USC locker room, the area is now 420 friendly. Greener pastures are ahead.

Aug 17, 2013; Phoenix, AZ, USA; Dallas Cowboys cornerback Orlando Scandrick (32) stretches during warm ups before the first quarter against the Arizona Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium. The Cardinals defeated the Cowboys 12-7. Mandatory Credit: Casey Sapio-USA TODAY Sports

Orlando Scandrick out for 2015

Story: Dallas Cowboys corner Orlando Scandrick will miss the entire 2015 season after tearing the ACL and MCL in his right knee.

Spin: Dallas believed that it was going to have a cakewalk in the NFC East, so the team decided to even the playing field by sitting one of its players. The challenge of facing Victor Cruz and ODB man-up, full-strength wasn’t good enough for the ‘Boys.

Cold Take: The injury might have been more heartbreaking to FanSided reader Peter K. than to Scandrick or the Cowboys.