A North Dakota football player hilariously fails at theft and gets kicked off the team.
University of North Dakota fullback Dustin Iverson was dismissed from the team earlier this week due to an unspecified legal situation.
The details of Iverson’s infraction have now emerged, and they are pretty gosh darn funny.
According to a report by the Grand Forks Herald, Iverson stole two Nike Dri-fit bicep bands from a Scheels last Friday, a theft totaling a whopping $16 in value. (Hey, we can’t all be pulling Ocean’s 11 big-money heists. Maybe those bicep bands had sentimental value to him.) But that’s not what makes the story hilarious.
No, what makes the story hilarious is that Iverson, a junior at UND, was identified by Scheels employee Derek Trom because Iverson was wearing his jersey while shoplifting. Seriously.
Look, I’m not exactly a master criminal over here. You won’t find me breaking into art museums to snatch expensive paintings anytime soon (mainly because art museums are boring and I fear I’d fall asleep mid-heist, but that’s not entirely relevant). Bumbling and incompetent fool that I am, even I know that it is not wise to wear a shirt that identifies who you are as you commit a crime in a place that you can be sure contains security cameras. You don’t need a doctorate in Street Smarts Studies to know that. You don’t need an A+ in Petty Shoplifting 101 to know that. Heck, most ten-year-old kids shoplifting candy and potato chips from 7-11 know better.
Iverson played in 24 games for the Sioux, catching a career-high eight passes for 53 yards last season. He is scheduled to appear in court on Oct. 2.
More from College Football
- Jim Harbaugh facing 4-game suspension over NCAA violations
- College football neutral site games in 2023: Full list
- College GameDay announces surprise Week 1 destination
- College football analyst warns Oklahoma that Texas is doing better prep for SEC
- College Football Playoff national championship game locations for 2024, 2025 and beyond