James Harden hates kids

Generally, when bad things happen to children it isn’t considered a good thing. James Harden would like you to change your mind.

As a former Jazz superstar once said, “I don’t want to raise your kids. I don’t even like kids.” There are a few ways one can view this.

1) “Oh my god that poor child is being embarrassed in front of his peers and the internet public.”

Analysis: Maybe that thought comes from a point of compassion, but it’s a trite perspective. Firstly, this all seems to be in fun. Look how happy everyone is, rekt child included. Secondly, this article further publicizing said wrecking of a child would put me somewhat at fault for writing it in the first place, and I don’t like taking blame for things. So no.

Conclusion: 3/10 take

Notes: Not enough joy

2) “That was awesome and hilarious and stuff.”

Analysis: Better. Closer. Warmer. There’s certainly enough surface level merit to this clip to hold its own on flash alone. Dunks are fun.

Conclusion: 7/10 take

Notes: Lacks a required depth

3) “This is a valuable learning experience.”

Analysis: Who better than James Harden to teach defense? In this clip, the kid learns not to keep your eyes on your opponents’ face, but the torso. He also didn’t ballwatch, which I guess in this case wasn’t a great thing, but we’ll let it slide. The kid also didn’t go for the block against the dunk, which is important lest you get posterized. I’m sure the pressure to try and recreate LeBron’s block from the finals was tempting, but the kid resisted. Good on him. The kid also learned to overcome adversity, to recover and grow. He was not better than James Harden on this day, but maybe tomorrow he will be.

Conclusion: 9/10 take

Notes: I agree with myself.

In honor of James Harden, I recommend embarrassing a child today. It doesn’t have to be your own. It doesn’t even have to be a real kid. Maybe play Octodad and floppily toss a toaster across the room. James Harden would want it.