‘The Walking Dead’ season 7 episode 5 recap: ‘Go Getters’

A stream of conscious reading of ‘The Walking Dead’ episode 705, “Go Getters”

Last week on The Walking Dead: Negan says gross things to Rick! Dwight is a Jerky McJerkface! Glenn remains dead this time! Let’s get to this week’s episode of the walker infested world’s dramatics!

Maggie — after finding out she and her baby are OKAY — is told to leave in the morning by Hilltop leader, Gregory. She and Sasha mourn at Abraham and Glenn’s graves. There’s a silver lining in this: Jesus is back! No, not that Jesus. The long-haired, bearded guy. I do realize both are described in the same manner, thank you very much.

Michonne and Rick passionately embrace and kiss before Rick’s leaving up North for a mission. Michonne takes off too. Nobody talks about how Michonne and Rick are repairing strained racial relations in the this country, but that discussion needs to start soon.

Carl and Enid argue about her leaving for the Hilltop colony to see Maggie. “I’m sorry you had to see it,” she tells him, referring to Glenn and Abraham’s brains being ground into bird feed.

Jesus and Sasha are talking. He gives her a chain of some sort that Abraham left there. “I’m sorry. I liked him,” he says. Jesus is going to try and help Maggie stay. Jesus saves.

Speaking of saving, Carl just saved Enid by destroying a car to kill a walker. That seemed kind of ridiculous. Talk about overkill. Carl should have just flung his hat at the walker ala Oddjob, and three points for the gentlemen that just worked a James Bond reference into a The Walking Dead piece.

Sasha and Maggie are inside the hilltop for the night, when they notice outside that blaring music and fires sit right outside their windows. Here comes a hoard of walkers through the open front gate. Jesus comes to help Sasha who is on a mission to stop the music coming from a locked vehicle. Sasha and Jesus go on a karate kicking, face-stabbing rampage against the hoard of walkers while Maggie mows them down in a tractor. Maggie also happens to mow down the musical vehicle. Badass stuff right here, especially the fiery silhouette of Jesus jumping side kicking a walker in the chest.

Carl and Enid have a roadside chat on the way to Hilltop.

The Saviors arrive at Hilltop.

Carl and Enid find skates. They’re skating. Jay-sus. (Yes, now I’m talking about that Jesus.)

The lead Savior lieutenant cryptically tells Gregory that they need to talk, and they go into his study.  “I’m your Negan,” he tells Gregory. They take booze and a painting in Greg’s office.,D-bag telsl him to kneel. He pats Gregory on the head. The Walking Dead feels like a melodramatic soap opera this week, complete with one pauses, mushy musical crescendos, and…

Carl and Enid kiss. This is getting out of hand.

Gregory tries to give up Maggie and Sasha to The Saviors, but fails. Maggie punches Gregory. Her name is Maggie Rhee: beard puncher. Looks like Gregory is being usurped. By who? Little Glenn Rhee Jr. He is the anointed one. He will grow into a powerful Hilltop entity, who will then battle an older Coooooral for supremacy of Walker World, the amusement park that Enid starts to help offset the extreme amount of suffering everyone is going through. This writes itself folks.

Sasha wants to know where Negan lives. She doesn’t want Maggie to know that she wants to know. It’s a secret. A Secret with Jesus. That’s also the name of my Great-grandmother’s memoir.

Maggie and Enid meet in Hilltop. Maggie tells Enid that she ran over some dude’s Camaro back in the day. Sasha walks in. They’re eating. Balloons on Abraham’s grave. Enid left them. Balloons on a grave, people. That amusement park idea is not too far off.

Carl is a stowaway on Jesus’ truck back to Negan. Jesus drinks some of Greg’s booze. Were this anointed wine, it would connote cannibalism. Think about it.

Next week on The Walking Dead: Enid starts building a latex factory for her eventual foray into balloon manufacturing.