The Tony Allen family portrait is going to be way too adorable

We all have some deeply held personal beliefs. Here are some of mine. Family portraits are annoying. Everyone has to smile and stand next to each other, and it’s just a pain to coordinate. They’re not worth it. And children are not as cute as they’re purported to be. They traipse around and can’t cook breakfast, and they’re very easy to trip over. They’re also not worth it. And fake Christmas trees that aren’t green are wrong. If you’re going to skip the cutting down and the watering and the cleaning of sap, then at least have the shame to try and trick people into thinking you didn’t. There I said it. Hopefully Tony Allen and his family don’t show up being all cute and make me question everything.

Well there goes that. This is why people find it so hard to avail themselves to new information. You risk being like me and looking a fool. How am I supposed to recover from this? And if I can, what’s the point?

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I mean, at times like this I would usually take a few self-important swipes at matching outfits, but the Allen family don’t even give me that chance. Look at them all so happy and smiling. It’s such a happy sight, and this cognitive dissonance is making me physically ill. Not only that, Tony Allen decides to rub my mistake in with a self-aware outfit display/adjustment combo at the very end.  I feel mocked, and I feel humiliated.

It’s the Christmas season, so I guess that’s to be expected. At least Tony is happy. And at least his family is happy. I prefer I’m the one who gets to be happy, but you can’t get everything you want. I learned that many Christmases ago when I didn’t get a talking pet red panda. How adorable would that have been? Probably close to Allen family level, and that’s about as high as it gets.