NFL Podium Fashion: Cam Newton Finally Lands Leading Role In “Golden Girls: The Movie”
By Tim Ryan
As we come to the home stretch of the NFL season, it appears as though players have gone deeper into their bag of tricks when it comes to the postgame podium, where star players — particularly the consistently great Brock Osweiler — are bestowed with the opportunity to style and profile like Ric Flair, inevitably setting Twitter ablaze in an effort to get the attention of big brands so as to finally cement that elusive endorsement gig from a cat toy manufacturer in Taiwan.
Sadly, we’re still waiting for some flashy showman to take it to this kind of next-level intensity.
But make no mistake about it, this weekly onslaught of styles includes all walks of life, led by fashion-forward trailblazers such as Andrew Luck, who clearly doesn’t give a shit and never will give a shit.
As we’ve come to learn over the years, sometimes the ensemble works:
Unfortunately, not everyone is so naturally suave like Russell Wilson, so it’s not uncommon to see that — at times — the ensemble most certainly does NOT work; like that time earlier this season when Eli Manning wore a suit with stunning sky blue chalk lines.
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No one! Absolutely f’ing no one. These last four weeks will include every storied clown we’ve gotten to know so well this season.
And with that, these are their stories…
Sam Bradford
It took him 14 weeks, but Sam Bradford finally changed jackets. Having said that, at least a few times during each of his press conferences good old Sam looks like he’s just been slapped with stunning allegations, causing a huge uproar in the courtroom.
But hell, what a difference a couple weeks makes. He got a haircut and looks more NFL Quarterback than he does confused puppy who’s locked into an insane trance, just waiting for the tennis ball.
via Minnesota Vikings.com
Yup. He’s my personal M-V-P.
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Marcus Mariota
Marcus Mariota’s outstanding mustache is now sadly gone. This was pretty much expected as “Movember” has come to rather tragic end. But still…
Nooooooooooooooooo!
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Cam Newton
Well, this just about perfect. If someone had told me at the beginning of the season that Cam Newton would stroll up to the podium in Week 14 dressed like an old lady enjoying her retirement, I would’ve hardly blinked.
Cam is definitely purposely trolling the hell out the world, right? If he’s not, I guess he’s just insane.
Hoping for the latter.
@TheSportsHernia pic.twitter.com/bfgLu5Xi4p
— Kev Rich (@kevantrich) December 11, 2016
So, who wore it best?
Left. Definitely LEFT.
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Andy Dalton
Andy Dalton was back with a vengeance via a pretty sharp scarf/jacket combo. And his hair game just refuses to stop.
Carson Palmer should seriously be scribbling notes, as that guy has NO IDEA what he’s doing when it comes to scarves.
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Aaron Rodgers
@TheSportsHernia A new color of bacon-necked undershirt has entered the picture, nothing was as expected today in GB pic.twitter.com/G4534ff68m
— Shaun (@ButtersBC) December 12, 2016
I realize it’s Green Bay but Aaron Rodgers and his deep adoration for bacon-necked undershirts is second to none.
Of the major NFL stars, he is by far and away the biggest disaster when it comes to having any kind of style that isn’t awful.
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Russell Wilson
Eliminate distractions. Bring on the challenge. @DangeRussWilson #Weare12 #TeamBose #SEAvsGB https://t.co/zNyCLMaxgD pic.twitter.com/PLeAQb3AFQ
— Bose (@Bose) December 11, 2016
See, Aaron. Ask Russ who helps him get suited up. He managed to do just fine — off the field — while dealing with unfavorable conditions.
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Jermaine Kearse
https://twitter.com/Seahawks/status/808008531655806976
In fact, everyone on the Seahawks did exceptionally well. Jermaine Kearse has absolutely seized control of the boot game.
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Tyrod Taylor
"Left some plays out there. I definitely didn't play my best and let the team down." #PITvsBUF pic.twitter.com/075Y50GLvE
— Buffalo Bills (@BuffaloBills) December 11, 2016
T-Smooth, the most underrated dresser in the NFL and possibly the world. He probably has the highest percentage of kills at the podium this season.
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Andrew Luck
The Colts site didn’t have anything from Luck following the game, so this press conference is actually from last Wednesday but it certainly delivers the necessary dose of Andrew Luck Face.
What a treasure. A freak, frightening treasure.
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Some Dude On The Lions
THE DAILY DRIVE: What players, coaches said after #Lions' win over @ChicagoBears: https://t.co/aY4q72lsm4 pic.twitter.com/okhYW6qLQa
— Detroit Lions (@Lions) December 12, 2016
Masterful stuff.
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Kyle Rudolph
"We'll see you next week at @usbankstadium." - @KyleRudolph82 #ProBowlVote pic.twitter.com/P9LkaREHTm
— Minnesota Vikings (@Vikings) December 11, 2016
Kyle Rudolph will flat-out murder you if you ask him to wear an undershirt.
Fair enough, Kyle. Fair enough.
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Matthew Stafford
The jacket doesn’t have the best fit and the whole thing is a little clunky, but Matt Stafford was spotted smiling. Again.
The Lions improved to 9-4 and all we’re waiting for now are the wheels to come flying off the road like wild chickens.
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Derrick Henry
What else can you say, Derrick Henry’s hair has been an absolute delight all season long.
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Von Miler’s Cleats
https://twitter.com/adidasFballUS/status/807993790845722624
Anyone whose cleats were inspired by Polish roosters is a friend of mine.
Von Miller apparently studied poultry science at Texas A&M and raises his own chickens. So hence, rooster cleart it is!
In short, if you don’t love Von Miller or these cleats, then please leave the room. NOW.
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Matt Barkley
https://twitter.com/ChicagoBears/status/808082098649202690
Every time the Bears post a photo of Matt Barkley, it appears he would love nothing more than eat his own shoe.
But then all of the sudden he completely flips the script and morphs into Newsie Matt Barkley.
https://twitter.com/ChicagoBears/status/808349353492496391
No one was made prouder by this moment than storied old timey paperboy, Bob Costas.
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Josh Norman’s Cleats
https://twitter.com/adidasFballUS/status/807997367500685312
“I need new haters.”
“Because the old ones became my fans.
Simply superb. And really hoping that he sent a pair to Odell Beckham Jr.
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Bonus Round: The Phantom Muppet
I always enjoy when a random Muppet head makes an appearance at these things.
Poor Davante Adams deserved far better.
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.@NdamukongSuh chats with @WarrenBuffett after the victory. https://t.co/pXNHFTNqg2
— Miami Dolphins (@MiamiDolphins) December 11, 2016
Warren Buffet, the new Mean Gene.
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Previously: Cam Newton Got Benched For Being Cam Newton
Previously: Mariota’s Mustache Has Seized Control Of The NFL
Previously: Tom Brady Broke Out The Inspector Gadget Jacket
Previously: Antonio Brown’s Jacket Just Lit The World On Fire
Previously: Tom Brady’s XXXL Overcoat Won The Weekend
Previously: The Remarkable Transformation Of Case Keenum
Previously: Tom Brady Pays Homage To Terrible Clothing
Previously: Andrew Luck Fills Flashy Void For Tom Brady
Previously: Cam Can’t Figure Out Which Color To Paint The Kitchen
Previously: J.J. Watt Redeems Himself With “Sandlot” Shout-Out
Previously: Meet Cam Newton, Exiled Member Of Exotic Barbershop Quartet
Previously: Matt Ryan Takes Over Zoolander Duties In Tom Brady’s Absence
Previously: Cam Newton Channels A Fashion-Forward Steve Urkel
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For more scorching takes with extra sizzle and general nonsense, follow Tim Ryan on Twitter and Instagram. For a look at last season’s colorful ride at the podium, each of those installments can be found right here.