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25 NBA players who can help you survive a zombie apocalypse

Oct 18, 2016; Columbus, OH, USA; Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James (23) against the Washington Wizards at the Jerome Schottenstein Center. The Wizards won 96-91. Mandatory Credit: Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports
Oct 18, 2016; Columbus, OH, USA; Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James (23) against the Washington Wizards at the Jerome Schottenstein Center. The Wizards won 96-91. Mandatory Credit: Aaron Doster-USA TODAY Sports
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May 8, 2016; Oklahoma City, OK, USA; San Antonio Spurs forward Kawhi Leonard (2) reacts after a play against the Oklahoma City Thunder during the fourth quarter in game four of the second round of the NBA Playoffs at Chesapeake Energy Arena. Mandatory Credit: Mark D. Smith-USA TODAY Sports
Mark D. Smith-USA TODAY Sports

13. Kawhi Leonard

First of all, I don’t think the apocalypse would bother Kawhi all that much. Maybe he’d shrug a little bit, but I can’t see him emoting much more than that. If a game winner can’t make him smile, I don’t think the end of the world will make him frown.

Kawhi is adding all sorts of fun to his offensive arsenal every day, but that’s not what we need. Sure, it’ll help, but we don’t need his usage rate to be all that high. We need someone to lock it down. You know, lock the doors to the tank, lock the screen on the emergency iPhone, and lock Matt Barnes in the closet when he gets in one of his moods.

We can’t always run, and we can’t always attack. Sometimes you need to fortify. Pop will probably be there because Pop will never die, but when his plans fall through because of various defensive deficiencies that you or someone else might have, we need someone who can fill the gaps or switch in. Maybe you’re a little slow burning the burning oil onto the clamoring mass of flesh?

Kawhi can zoom in from another alcove and pick up the slack. Maybe the Morrises are too busy celebrating their mutual survival to notice the blips on the radar. Kawhi can call out assignments. He can guard from 1 to 5, so he can probably guard a makeshift treehouse survival pod.

This is quite a bit based on reputation, though. On/off metrics have not been kind to Kawhi this year. The only person who might be more qualified to do these things today is Draymond Green.