25 NBA players who can help you survive a zombie apocalypse

24. Anthony Davis

I think for the sake of this thought exercise, we’re assuming basketball prowess translates somewhat accurately to one’s ability to kill off a bunch of zombies. Anthony Davis, at the time of this writing, leads the league in PER. Sure, stats don’t mean everything, but that’s a really good stat.

There’s also general things like scoring and blocks. I’m not one for sabermetrics, but blocks mean you’re really good according to everyone. These are just facts.

There is a point to this. Anthony Davis has been carrying the Pelicans this year, what with Evans being out, Jrue missing time due to empathy, and Eric Gordon being really good but on a different team. Basically, every time he’s out on the court, he’s carrying the rest of the fifteen-man roster.

I get tired really quick, and I like to sit down. A quarter mile on the treadmill, and my will to live is spent.

However, I’m only one person. One is less than fifteen. I think if it comes down to it, him carrying me through New Orleans swamps and perhaps tossing me over the odd levee would be a piece of cake in comparison to what he has to do for the Pelicans. I’ve never seen him physically carry someone before, but again. I think this would translate.

I also think that having one eyebrow could be useful somehow. Maybe that will make him immune to zombies. I think there’s about a 25 percent chance of that being true, all else being equal. Again, stats are important.