25 NBA players who can help you survive a zombie apocalypse

4. Tim Duncan

The anti-Dennis Rodman is Tim Duncan. He’ll bring a serenity to the survivors as opposed to confusion and more confusion.

He’ll also bring knives. You know he collects knives, right?

Knives and swords. One of them is three feet long and of the samurai variety. Those could be important to have. Killing with melee weapons in Left 4 Dead is some of the most fun you can have in that game. Real zombies shouldn’t be considered a game, but you have to channel some sort of experience to your advantage. If you’re not a good shot, you need some knives.

Then there’s also this picture.

There’s an undiscovered silent assassin aspect to Tim Duncan that is still waiting to be unearthed in a more literal sense. He kills hopes and dreams of Phoenix fans. Maybe it just takes a small step to move on to the undead. Joey Crawford looks a bit like a zombie anyway, so it may not take much to encourage Tim.

This is a bit of a feeble point, but Tim is also The Big Fundamental. It’s a bad nickname, but it carries truth with it. Tim does the basics well. After the world crumbles, people might forget to do the simple things like shower, or eat, or breathe. Tim will be there, encouraging and calm and carrying a sword. He’ll prod you. He’ll set you straight. He’s a good guy like that.