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The Air Jordan 16 Retro “Midnight Navy” Is Ready To Take Your Money

By Tim Ryan

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Another day, another Jordan sneaker release. But this one’s pretty special. If you liked the original Air Jordan XVI, chances are you’re already having a heated debate with your bank account over whether or not to throw down for the “Midnight Navy” retros.

Now here’s what makes precisely zero sense surrounding the hype of this release.

Nike’s official page to promote the launch of these shoes — the same page where they can be purchased upon said launch — has not one photo of the shoe without the ridiculous “unique shroud for off-court use,” which is rather stupid considering how awesome these sneakers look without its special blanket.

Thankfully, Sole Collector does:

via SoleCollector.com

And so does Sneaker News:

See? Quite a departure from this overdone mess.

via Nike

If I’m going solely by the photos on Nike’s page, it’s an easy decision. No. Shot.

And Nike’s official description is maddeningly absurd:

"“Designed by Wilson Smith, the Air Jordan XVI was built to take MJ from the court to the boardroom. Ensuring this idea of versatility for MJ, the Air Jordan XVI was equipped with a unique shroud for off-court use. Once removed, the shroud-less Air Jordan XVI was prepared for on-court dominance with its mesh and leather build, and combination of Zoom Air and Nike Air cushioning built in below. Now over 15 years later, the Air Jordan XVI is back in the original ‘Midnight Navy’ colorway.”"

Yes, this ridiculous leather tarp that would serve far better as a fancy neck warmer was born for the boardroom.

via Nike

I’d actually argue that, sans tarp, the midnight navy patent leather toe with the lighter shade of blue in-between the corresponding midnight navy tongue is capable of closing any kind of deal in less than 11 seconds.

Now comes the bad news.

The cost? $250 plus free shipping if you promise to shave off one eyebrow and provide photographic evidence to a member of the Nike Customer Support Team.

So if you love yourself — a lot — go ahead and treat yourself to a Christmas gift. Or if you really, really like another human, have at it, my friend.

The Midnight Navy retros are set to release December 22 (tomorrow) at 10 am EST and can be had right here.

Why these weren’t released last week so they could be sitting under the tree on Christmas morning remains a deep, dark mystery.

*****UPDATE*****

Screw the Nike link. If you still want these, use this link from Trophy Room. Takes two seconds to get to checkout rather than watch a lonely wheel spin for hours upon hours.

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Previously:

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For more unapologetic honesty and everyday life lessons, follow Tim Ryan on Twitter and Instagram.