Fansided

The Sacramento Kings rig the All-Star vote for DeMarcus Cousins

By Matt Rutkowski

Dec 28, 2016; Portland, OR, USA; Sacramento Kings forward DeMarcus Cousins (15) reacts in the second half against Portland Trail Blazers at Moda Center. Mandatory Credit: Jaime Valdez-USA TODAY Sports
Dec 28, 2016; Portland, OR, USA; Sacramento Kings forward DeMarcus Cousins (15) reacts in the second half against Portland Trail Blazers at Moda Center. Mandatory Credit: Jaime Valdez-USA TODAY Sports /
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Maybe this isn’t the best year to be talking about vote rigging, but news is news, and I have an obligation to you. My obligation is to relay what I see and to bring the facts straight to your face. The Sacramento Kings’ obligation is to DeMarcus Cousins. We all have our role.

In case you missed it, which you probably didn’t, something is missing here. In particular, what’s missing are four important letters: ‘r,’ ‘o,’ ‘d,’ and ‘t.’ These are not the most important letters in general; those are ‘m,’ ‘a,’ ‘t,’ and ‘t.’ But in the context of the #NBAVote system those matter less, unless you’re trying to get Matt Bonner in there for some reason. Or Matty O from The Starters. He’d be fun.

What has happened in this abominable tweet is that the Sacramento Kings, in the dirtiest of dirty plays, tried to trick the NBA Twitter fanbase into stuffing the ballot with Boogie by retweeting what appeared to be a general truth about the best in the west. How dare they? How actually dare they?

Next: James Harden is no Gandalf the Gray

Duran Duran is a band that doesn’t play basketball. James Haren used to be a baseball pitcher, I think. Russell Westbrok is a character from the Pokemon anime. None of these aforementioned people or concepts should represent the National Basketball Association in their showcase game of stars. Except Matty O from The Starters.

Revolution! Revolution! Fire and blood! And so on!

Cool. Now that we got the requisite bile out of our throats, let’s contemplate some other fun ways to abuse the NBA’s voting system. I have some ideas.

  • Reporting on breaking, real-life news while attaching a player’s name and #NBAVote
  • GIFS of cute kitties and puppies while attaching a player’s name and #NBAVote
  • “My dad will stop smoking if I get 1,000,000 RT’s!” while attaching a player’s name and #NBAVote

The system is flawed. That’s okay, though. Nobody’s perfect. Not even DeMarkus Cousins.

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