One crazy trade every NBA team should make

21. Washington Wizards

Do the Wizards make you sad? It’s hard to imagine they make you happy, but don’t you just feel that creeping desolation crawl up your legs, into your spine, and out through your eyes when the Wizards are playing in the only game on? You do. You know you do. You don’t cry, but the tears burn.

How do we make it better?

Well, the bench is a problem, as Marcin Gortat succinctly pointed out. Maybe the problems between Beal and Wall are not going away, and maybe Beal is expendable enough to ship out for parts. Traditionally Beal’s value has been tied to Wall’s presence, and that hasn’t gone the other way. Maybe getting some players who can hit from the corner and play some defense would fill the gaps Beal would leave.

Or maybe just blowing it up entirely and starting a rebuild. Their playoff participation feels much further away than it actually was. It’s hard to say that Wall can be the best player on a championship team, and it’s not hard to say Beal can’t. They probably don’t have the stomach for a Philadelphia-type rebuild. Not even Philadelphia did.

Maybe trade the name for something less Hogwarts?

Nah. None of this is enough. Trading limbs won’t eradicate the rot. The roots of the problems reach deeper into the dirt, through a godforsaken spring polluted with Durant jerseys never tailored and into the earth’s dying core. It’s sucking death straight from the source and breathing it out into the air like oxygen. That’s how photosynthesis works, I think. High school was a long time ago.

Washington Wizards trade this season for the lockout shortened season we’re probably not getting next year so they don’t have to play any more, and we don’t have to watch them. Good.