The 10 weirdest NBA timeout entertainment spectacles

Evaluating the weird things NBA teams do to fill the dead time of television commercials.

The NBA entertainment experience has layers. There’s the player layer on top, the interviews a bit below that, the social media layer a few spots down, and so on. There’s something for everyone at all times if you’re desperate enough. Moon pie. What a time to be alive.

Unfortunately, the NBA is a business and businesses demand cash flow. As awesome as it is, it’s hard to directly monetize Wilson Chandler tweeting “Hot Boys 2017.”

See? All the money you threw at your screen just bounced off your monitor.

Ads on jerseys, gambling, and global market expansion are all nice, but a primary driver for capital is always going to be tickets to live play. The NBA wants to keep games to two hours, but even if that ideal were to be realized, there are usually only 48 minutes of actual basketball. What happens in that other 72? Weird things, mostly. Mutated, stultifying nightmares come to life.

And I’m here to share the worst with you.

I do work. I mean, I have a job, but I also do work. This is worth saying because recording these clips off my League Pass feed isn’t easy. You can often rewind a game to catch a spectacular moment again, but backing up the feed to timeout entertainment often brings you into an ad. There are rare moments where you’ll be able to rewatch the Red Panda knockoff, but usually you’re left with Jeremy Renner describing how multi his facets are or Erin and Ben Napier giving their family recipe for Mississippi Pimento and Cheese.

Hey Erin. Big fan. Quick question. Any chance you can leave me alone for just 30 seconds?

Lame. You’re lame.

But sometimes I get what I want. The things I’ve got and the things you’re gonna get are often creepier than Ben Napier’s wink.

Abandon all hope.