The 10 weirdest NBA timeout entertainment spectacles

10. Trampoline time

This is an experiment in human fear. As I don’t want the shock to kill you, we need to start slow. More strictly though, experiments need a control, and there aren’t many things more stable and reliable than the Sacramento Kings. They’re the noble gas of the NBA.

“But Matt. You’re wrong and stupid.” I hear you saying. “The Sacramento Kings sleep in dysfunction.” I hear you but — “Vivek Ranadive is taking a broken franchise and tearing the pieces into tiny paper snowflakes. They’re the worst, Matt. You’re the worst.”

Shut up. I’m not talking about the team itself. I’m talking about everything else.

I’ve watched quite a few Kings games this year because Game of Thrones isn’t on until Spring. Amid all the wacky rancor has been a steady stream of reliable timeout fun. It’s what you expect from an entertainment entity trying to fill up a pretty new arena. No creepy mascots accosting children, no large men wobbling rhythmically to music long outdated, and no forced romantic encounters between couples or siblings.

It’s just the basics: trampolines and flippy-doos. Team dancers waving pom-poms and bending over sometimes. Other things that I don’t remember because nothing all that memorable happened. This is a good thing in that I’m not violated, but it could also be considered a bad thing because anything to distract Kings fan from the pain of being a Kings fan is probably a positive.

I’m torn on that aspect, but that’s not the point. This is the baseline. It is simple fan distraction. This is where things should stay.

They won’t.