The 10 weirdest NBA timeout entertainment spectacles

9. Hunter Hugo Helmsley

This is pretty harmless on its own. It’s just a couple dudes being dudes with basketballs and a stopwatch. Not a lot of talent on display, but hey. They’re on the big stage. Maybe they’re a little nervous or a little overexcited. That’s fine. Good job, Hunter. Better luck next time, Hugo.

The danger here is the precedent. Once you start putting fans on the court, you’re liable to let things get out of hand. Fans, generally, are not professional entertainers. They’re in the arena to pay attention, not to have it paid. Just a glancing shot of the crowd on a Jumbotron screen is often enough to make people act out senselessly (more on that later), but making a member of the audience the center of attention risks highlighting something far out of your control. Even the most strongly worded instruction can’t account for this kind of thing:

If you missed it, don’t go back and watch beltlines. Don’t listen to the announcer man notice and immediately go “oh no.”

Depiction of man butt is a topic I’ve seen debated. Is it nudity? Is it just cheeky fun? The Simpsons have shown a substantial quantity of ass in their existence, and that’s still seen to be fit for the family, so maybe a bit of peeking crack not a big deal. Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a mole.

It’s as big a deal as you make it, frankly, and I’m writing about it, so that probably says more about me than anything else. Whatever. The point is it happened, and it shouldn’t have. A lot of these things shouldn’t have. All of them did anyway.