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NBA Tank Rankings: Why do bad games happen to bad teams?

By Matt Rutkowski

Feb 9, 2017; Boulder, CO, USA; Washington Huskies guard Markelle Fultz (20) before the game against the Colorado Buffaloes at the Coors Events Center. Mandatory Credit: Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports
Feb 9, 2017; Boulder, CO, USA; Washington Huskies guard Markelle Fultz (20) before the game against the Colorado Buffaloes at the Coors Events Center. Mandatory Credit: Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports /
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Aug 5, 2016; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Shoppers look for food at a grocery market across the street from Olympic Park on the day of opening ceremonies for the Rio 2016 Summer Olympic Games. Mandatory Credit: Matt Kryger-USA TODAY Sports
Aug 5, 2016; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Shoppers look for food at a grocery market across the street from Olympic Park on the day of opening ceremonies for the Rio 2016 Summer Olympic Games. Mandatory Credit: Matt Kryger-USA TODAY Sports /

4. Sacramento Kings

Where Philly goes, so do the Kings, whether they want to or not. If Philly is on the list, Sacramento is sure to follow. They’re tied together like ropes to a circus tent or life preservers to a sinking boat. But these aren’t the best analogies.

As I see it, they’re a tiny family. Philadelphia is the adult, the party with the perspective and presence of mind to turn absolutely nothing of value into a pick-swap, much like most parents can beat the snazz out of their kids at one-on-one for a period of time. Sacramento are a five-year old, so Philadelphia is currently smacking layups into the neighbor’s yard. Unfortunately they recently got a divorce, and now things are sorta messed up for them. Whatever. Life goes on.

Sacramento is the kid, and he’s being dragged along to the grocery store because their legal guardian can’t find a babysitter. They can probably try to throw some candy into the cart, but how much can they get away with? How much will Papa Philly notice? There’s only so much room under the 24-pack of High Life.

Sacramento don’t want to be losing a whole bunch, but they don’t really have much of a choice because they’re not good at basketball. Philadelphia is in charge of their destiny as much as Sacramento is. The Kings’ pick can only be as good as the 76ers’. They want to be bad so to not give a pick to Chicago, but they want to be good so that Philly doesn’t get their pick, but they don’t know how bad Philly will be, so winning games might not be in their best interest, and blech. Parents just don’t understand.

This analogy isn’t any good either. Maybe that’s why it works.

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