5 things the Portland Trailblazers can do to get back in the series

3. This is how you get to a better place

The State Farm commercials that haunt my waking nightmares show that Damian Lillard is pretty enthusiastic about torturing opposing Western Conference point guards. Some might say Chris Paul deserves it, seeing as he refuses to screw his kids’ treehouse in place and parks his cars underneath trees he knows to be risky. Someone could die.

I don’t think Damian Lillard and Chris Paul are friends. I don’t think Chris Paul has friends. Maybe this is what allows Lillard the emotional distance to destroy his home and unleash skunks about his belongings. The commercials don’t say that Lillard is responsible for the skunks, but most of the theories I’ve read on the dark web support the idea.

Damian Lillard and Steph Curry are probably less friendly than Lillard and Paul. After years and years of Damian getting Curry comparisons after he plays his own game well, the animosity wave has to have crested. Some property damage is in order.

Past commercials show that Curry has State Farm too, so we know he’ll be able to recover financially. All we need is the type of inconvenience that would take Steph’s mind and/or body away from the game for a couple weeks.

I have an idea. Olive oil. Ayesha Curry has a line of olive oil out there in the world, and one has to imagine there’s a certain level of personal attachment to it. What if the Currys were to wake up with their floor covered in it? 1) Sadness 2) Curry might slip and tweak a hammy.

Lillard has it in him. There’s video proof. Now it’s time to put it to good use.