5 things the Portland Trailblazers can do to get back in the series

April 16, 2017; Oakland, CA, USA; Golden State Warriors players huddle before game one of the first round of the 2017 NBA Playoffs against the Portland Trail Blazers at Oracle Arena. The Warriors defeated the Trail Blazers 121-109. Mandatory Credit: Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports /

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Feb 18, 2017; New Orleans, LA, USA; Western Conference head coach Steve Kerr is introduced during the NBA All-Star Practice at the Mercedes-Benz Superdome. Mandatory Credit: Bob Donnan-USA TODAY Sports /

2. Hole of worms

I need you to focus. I need you to remember who you are, where you are, and what reality is. Grab something solid. Name three things you see, two things you hear, and describe one thing you can touch. Ground yourself in actuality. I need you to be in a clear state of mind.

Okay. Good. Don’t let this adorable face fool you:

Jan 22, 2017; Orlando, FL, USA; Golden State Warriors head coach Steve Kerr smiles as he looks on against the Orlando Magic during the first quarter at Amway Center. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports /

Steve Kerr is an angry man.

This is who Steve Kerr is. It’s what he is. He’s a fit of uncontrollable rage waiting to happen. Sure, he’s well spoken, and polite, and charming, but these are all the different shapes that anger can take.

If you’re Portland, there is one and only one way you can use this to your advantage. Replace his clipboard with one that opens up a wormhole to another dimension upon shattering.

This is easier done than said. You just do it. Talking about it wastes time. You can’t call yourself a proper NBA franchise unless you have at least a couple wormholeboards on hand. The Pistons have like eight, and a few have gone missing.

There aren’t a lot of universal truths in the NBA, but this one is basic: you can’t coach basketball if you’re flying through various galaxies and dimensions.

Who knows what would happen to Golden State without Kerr’s guiding hand? Last year went okay with Walton at the helm, but he’s in an alternate dimension of his own at the minute. Who’s left to take over for Kerr now? ESPN.com does not list a depth chart for his position.

One can only assume a random number generator takes over. The Warriors are a numbers team after all. This mean Varejao might get minutes. This means Calderon might get signed again. Anything could happen, and right now anything else would be better for the Trailblazers. Anything.

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