NFL Fashion: The mighty highs and tragic lows through Week 3

The postgame podium is one of the most convenient platforms for an NFL player to style and profile by showcasing their unique fashion sensibilities and, in turn, expand that all-important personal brand.

Most NFL fans probably see postgame interviews as nothing more than an empty space for unenthused players and coaches to answer a slew of mundane questions, and that’s mostly true.

But over the years, whether it be the podium or the locker room, those spirited gatherings with the media have also become the perfect spot for guys to showcase their fashion sense; or complete lack of one.

Because unless we’re talking about stars like Tom Brady, Russell Wilson or Antonio Brown, in many cases — to a rather scarring degree — it’s not uncommon to witness a complete and utter ensemble FAILURE.

Nonetheless, these are their stories.

Jay Cutler

The Dolphins were kind enough to lure Jay Cutler out of retirement so we can all continue to enjoy “Jay Cutler Staring Off Into Nothing” poses. Really hoping Miami turns things around so we can squeeze one more year out of Jay Cutler Face.

Really hoping Miami turns things around so we can squeeze one more year out of Jay Cutler Face.

Though I must say, his hair game and suit game are on point.

Aaron Rodgers

https://twitter.com/packers/status/912167543439265792

Listen up and listen up good, Aaron: If you’re gonna shave your chest, shave your chest. That floating buzzed patch is a disaster.

Eli Manning

Nothing really wrong with Eli’s suit, save for the Mom-approved polka-dotted tie, but I do find it remarkable that no matter how old this dude gets he can always be seen sporting that first day of school haircut.

Tom Brady

This was once the man known as Sir Thomas, King of Mount Fashion.

Now? Not.

A tragic fall to say the least, despite two spectacular Sunday afternoons in a row.

We expect a pimp cane next week, TB12.

Rob Gronkowski

Come on, GRONK. This is far too tame and beyond disappointing. If nothing else, start bringing nachos to the podium and all of your brothers.

Cam Newton

Cam Newton has fully embraced the emotionally removed, delicate artist look and I couldn’t be happier.

Next week, in lieu of taking questions, I fully expect him to play an emotional 11-minute guitar solo while staring directly into the eyes of the media without blinking once.

However, this outfit definitely warrants a closer look. So thank you, @Panthers:

Oh, and yes, Erin Andrews absolutely stole Cam’s hat and shrewdly pocketed the feather.

J. J. Watt

J.J. Watt is head of security for some of Hollywood’s biggest stars and he’s about to have it out with Ray Donovan over “that thing” that happened with Mickey.

John Harbaugh

A gray undershirt matched with a purple polo that happens to be completely unbuttoned?

Nope. Absolutely not.

It’s early though, Johnny boy. But you got A LOT to fix this week.

Tony Khan?

Yes, Tony Khan. The son of Jags owner Shahid Khan is joining us to demonstrate the colossal difference between winning and losing.

Look at that freezeframe of John Harbaugh above and now look at Tony.

While it’s not my style, he makes John Harbaugh look like a depressed gym teacher.

And since we’re here, it’s worth noting that Shahid Khan’s mustache is the new gold standard.

Yup, that even includes The Iron Sheik and the very best that Major League Baseball has to offer.

Tyrod Taylor

We’ve reached the point in Tyrod Taylor’s career where he’s been so consistently good in the fashion game that it’s more than OK to nitpick.

In this case, the tie knot could use some work. But yeah, T-Smooth is the truth.

As for Taylor’s perfect answer to the Von Miller questions, it’s hard to blame the guy for being amused because this was hilarious.

Pretty sure everyone can agree that getting a 15-yard penalty for making the opposing QB laugh is downright absurd.

Von Miller

Speaking of, it is now confirmed that Von Miller can wear anything and make it look awesome, so long as he’s wearing giant glasses.

Devin McCourty

Last season it was a Mario/Luigi “Squad Goals” shirt, this season it’s a little more serious.

Understandable, but nice to see it’s still ALL t-shirts for McCourty.

A better look at the t-shirt can be found here.

LeSean McCoy

People will no doubt kill this outrageous ensemble, but those hating on it are obviously just pissed that they could never pull it off.

In my opinion, however, Shady wins this week.

Antonio Brown

https://www.instagram.com/p/BZccXF8FY01/

Hold up, the winner is actually — and quite clearly — Antonio Brown.

I need this scintillating suit like Bill Belichick needs football.

Commence FEVERISH STANDING OVATION.

Derek Carr

The red accents on Carr’s button-down look like a bunch of mini flesh wounds.

Derek definitely thought this one out. Well done, brutha.

Philip Rivers

Much like Brady, Rivers has lost himself at the podium. While there’s nothing wrong with the casual look at all, this is the same man who used to proudly rock a bolo tie and a fedora.

Get well, Phil. Get well soon.

DeAndre Hopkins

https://www.instagram.com/p/BZb878wlVz8/?hl=en&taken-by=morethanstats

The confidence here is key and the expression in the background says it all.

How DeAndre managed to pull this off with pinstriped suit pants, the world will never know.

Richard Sherman

Woah. Next stop, host of Family Feud.

Ramon Foster

Ramon Foster emerged last season in a similarly understated, yet hilarious manner. I crowned him the Tim Duncan of the Steelers for a reason.

And I honestly cannot stop watching this video. My only wish is that it were set to the closing credits of Curb Your Enthusiasm. #DareToDream

Drew Brees

Without fail, Drew Brees is always dressed up like the head of the sales team who’s an all-around nice guy that just wants to make sure you have everything you need.

And if you do need anything, his door is always open.

Bill Belichick

This is the face of a man who had just witnessed his team battle through yet another amazing comeback, although it was quite pleasant to see The Bill go completely buck wild and wear a linen button-down.

Case Keenum

https://twitter.com/Vikings/status/912079216946147329

Another great example of what winning can do because this is the first time I’ve ever seen Case Keenum give off an air that doesn’t resemble a helpless substitute teacher who has lost control of the classroom.

The casual look — check it out John Harbaugh, no undershirt! — reflects just how comfortable he is right now.

Pernell McPhee

Simply put, this a great Bulls hat only a select few could pull off.

In this case, Pernell McPhee dunked the hell out of it.

Ali Marpet

Linemen always look ridiculous whether it’s a simple t-shirt or a full suit.

Bucs center Ali Marpet definitely helps cement that point.

Mike Zimmer

https://twitter.com/Vikings/status/912072925213282310

Every single Mike Zimmer press conference looks like he just removed his ski goggles after six straight hours of serious time on the slopes that led to a healthy dose of windburn.

Derrick Johnson

https://www.instagram.com/p/BZZ-0YsFVsU/?taken-by=chiefs

Notice the lenses of Derrick’s sunglasses match the tie, the pants and the blue in his jacket.

It’s minor details like this that create heroes.

Joe Flacco

Sadly, at the young age of 32, Joe Flacco is basically your dad.

Glass half-full? He’s still miles ahead of the “We’re Not Sure If He’s Dead Or Alive” Flacco look.

The Next Great Album Cover

Drop in a new background to this photo and BOOM, we have ourselves an album cover that would have Kid ‘n Play absolutely shook.

The Bengals

https://www.instagram.com/p/BZZNyvOlMU6/?hl=en&taken-by=bengals

If you didn’t think the Bengals were a lost, misguided, completely out of sync bunch, take a look at the photo above.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BZZO6c9lwit/?taken-by=bengals

Also, your tie is too short, Andy.

The Browns

https://twitter.com/Browns/status/912004626995695618

As always, it’s crucial to save the Browns for last. No fashion advice for any team members this week but it’s crucial to know that, yes, this GIF actually exists.

Looking good, Danny Shelton!

*****

Now for some looks from the first two weeks that haven’t been discussed in this space yet.

Travis Kelce

https://www.instagram.com/p/BYuLlIUlguY/?taken-by=chiefs

As Instagram user “eazymike23” aptly stated in the comments, “Slime slickkk wooo thats cleannn white boi got it 💯💯.”

Yeah, something like that.

But if anyone asks what it looks like to put it all together, please refer to this photo.

Travis Frederick

It appears that Cowboys center Travis Frederick has never trimmed… his beard.

Let’s just move on.

Adam Vinatieri

Nice to see Adam Vinatieri has finally embraced the secluded woodsman/Unabomber look.

Bob Kraft

The lesson here? Hang out with golfers and you’ll always be the best dressed.

By A LOT.

C. J. Anderson

Yes, C. J. Anderson strongly believes he’s in 8th grade.

Tom Brady

See? He’s shown glimpses of his genius off the field. But he used to do this every damn week.

Also, calling complete B.S. that Brady has never had a sip of coffee based on this photo alone.

Next: Cam Newton deep into character for unknown movie role

Doug Baldwin Jr.

The comment in the tweet does all the driving here.

A bacon-necked shirt to go along with a jacket that’s three sizes too big and may or may not have previously been a sweatshirt that was simply converted to a blazer.

Monstrous fail here, Doug.

Rob Ryan

In the same week that saw the sad passing of WWE legend Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, Rob Ryan showed up on FS1 dressed as a 1980s WWE manager.

Coincidence? Think again.