Fansided

Every NBA team’s worst Thanksgiving road trip companion

By Matt Rutkowski

Indian commuters (R) wait for a bus next to heavy traffic on a smoggy morning in New Delhi on November 14, 2017.Doctors declared a public health emergency in New Delhi when choking smog descended on the capital and elsewhere in northern India, prompting authorities to close schools, ban construction and bar trucks from entering the city. / AFP PHOTO / DOMINIQUE FAGET (Photo credit should read DOMINIQUE FAGET/AFP/Getty Images)
Indian commuters (R) wait for a bus next to heavy traffic on a smoggy morning in New Delhi on November 14, 2017.Doctors declared a public health emergency in New Delhi when choking smog descended on the capital and elsewhere in northern India, prompting authorities to close schools, ban construction and bar trucks from entering the city. / AFP PHOTO / DOMINIQUE FAGET (Photo credit should read DOMINIQUE FAGET/AFP/Getty Images) /
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INDIANAPOLIS, IN – OCTOBER 29: Lance Stephenson
INDIANAPOLIS, IN – OCTOBER 29: Lance Stephenson /

Indiana Pacers: Lance Stephenson

I feel like this would be terrifying on some level. I don’t know how this trip would go, but I don’t think it’d go according to plan. Unless Larry Bird was in my back seat keeping a detailed itinerary, it would be an anxious time in my life.

I don’t like driving in the dark in the rain. My windshield wipers aren’t the highest quality, so the water I can’t move just causes all sorts of weird glare. It gets me antsy, and being antsy while you drive is a great way to drive poorly.

Lance Stephenson can sense weakness. Weakness is blood and he’s a Demogorgon. He’s going to take the opportunity to try and get in my head or start trying to drive the car himself from the passenger seat. Lance likes taking control of things when he’s not in the best position to do so.

Lance likes blowing on people’s ears. I do not have the presence of mind that LeBron James has. Instead, I get flustered really fast and yell things like, “I swear to god, I will turn this car around.”

Lance’s nickname is “Born Ready.” Mine is “Bacon.” These things don’t have anything to do with each other, but his name is better. I don’t want to have to compare things.

In retrospect, most of the things Lance would do seem pretty harmless, but these are only among the things I can picture him doing. Lance is liable to do anything. This is not the type of person you want to drive with. I’m nervous just thinking about it. I’m moving on.

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