Every NBA team’s worst Thanksgiving road trip companion

Charlotte Hornets: Dwight Howard

This man here hits all the key points of a poor driving partner. Let’s start with things unspoken, but experienced. According to Glen Davis:

"The thing we’re going to miss most about Dwight is his farting ability. A great farter. He can fart. He can fart loud — the loudest farts. Silent farts."

This was a quote from way back in 2012, but I can’t imagine it’s gotten any better since then. My theory is it’s actually gotten worse since people’s insides begin to putrify around the age of 30. Believe me, I know.

And then there’s this:

"Skittles, Starbursts, Rolos, Snickers, Mars bars, Twizzlers, Almond Joys, Kit Kats and oh, how he loved Reese’s Pieces. He’d eat them before lunch, after lunch, before dinner, after dinner, and like any junkie, he had stashes all over — in his kitchen, his bedroom, his car, a fix always within reach."

I’m not the cleanest person in the world, but I don’t want unused candy wrappers all over my car. And finally, we have this:

"Speaking on his podcast, ESPN.com’s Zach Lowe (h/t Dime Magazine’s Jamie Cooper) said he had been told stories of “Hawks players learning about the trade and screaming with jubilation into their phones.”"

What else do you need from a poor riding partner? He smells bad, he’s going to leave candy wrappers all over the place, and I’ll scream in jubilation once it’s over. Not to mention the general personality I get from the guy is cheesy and grating. Not one aspect of the Dwight In Traffic experience seems good.