Every NBA team’s worst Thanksgiving road trip companion

Washington Wizards: Marcin Gortat

I don’t want to be punched in the face, especially while driving.

To be clear, I’m not saying that Marcin Gortat definitely would punch me in the face, but of all the people in the NBA who could he seems like the most likely.

First point: His father was a two-time Olympic medalist as a boxer. From the state of their relationship, per the Washington Post, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was tough love in his upbringing. There may have been fisticuffs at various points.

"That’s my dad. One time I came home from German league after winning championship. He said, ‘Those four medals you have I won when I was 18 years old. I can weigh my medals with kilograms and pounds they weigh so much.’ So one day I make my counter move. I show him my first check, it was like $300,000. ‘In this check, I will make more than you make your entire life, Dad. Hah.’"

That’s something. He might punch, and the punch would hurt.

Second point: Gortat had to back up Dwight Howard for a few years. As discussed earlier, behind Dwight Howard is not a place you want to be for various reasons. There’s some latent tension there that needs to be released.

Third point: I like to think of myself as Polish, but Gortat is super Polish. The various points in my life I’ve described myself as Polish might be taken as an insult by a Super Pole. What do Super Poles do to Semi Poles?

I don’t want to be punched in the face.