Every NBA team’s worst Thanksgiving road trip companion

Chicago Bulls: Gar Forman

There are a lot of players and people with the Chicago Bulls organization I would want to avoid spending time around. Bobby Portis might punch me. Nikola Mirotic might make me want to punch him. Cameron Payne might make me laugh too much to focus on the road and not on the fact he was deemed not an NBA player by management barely after holding a ball in the team’s practice facility.

Gar is worse, though. Gar is different. There are a lot of things about him that just seem off. Or wrong. Or weird.

Let’s start with his face. I don’t like his face. His face concerns me. So many parts of it seem like they shouldn’t be where they are.

I mean, it has the general face structure right. There are two eyes, a nose, a mouth, and some skin, but it’s the details that throw me. It’s all uneven and oddly placed. I feel like I’d be checking my mirrors, accidentally get a sight of Gar’s confused, agape expression and then scream and slam on the brakes.

Over and over again. This is how I would react. Like seeing a killer in your backseat in a horror movie, except you invited them there and you don’t know why. I wouldn’t want that experience.

Nor would I want to head inside a gas station only to come back out to see that Gar had traded my 2008 Malibu for a picture of the 2019 model, five tricycles, and an open bag of Funyuns. I like Funyuns, but I like not being stranded in rural Illinois a bit more.