If Kyrie Irving is Flat Earth good, is [insert NBA player] [insert conspiracy theory] good?
You know by now that Boston Celtics point guard Kyrie Irving may or may not but definitely does believe the Earth is flat. It’s been a rollercoaster of does-he–doesn’t-he since February, but now that Kyrie is especially wizardly (his new team’s 16-game win streak; his own noted clutch-ness) and especially woke (questioning Milwaukee’s MECCA court; being a vegan), his third eye is as sharp as his 3-point shot.
As such, Kyrie has inspired a growing number of Flat Earth converts, namely, fans and Celtics affiliates who can’t reconcile how a player who is so right on the court can be so wrong off it and have consequently accepted that they may need to disregard centuries of scientific fact and join their leader in wanton disregard for the Earth’s extremely apparent curvature.
I have a friend named Anna who has a group of internet friends and they play a game which has since been adopted by our group of IRL friends and it centers around a single question: Are you conspiracy theory hot? In other words, what level of conspiracy belief could you — or the truther in question — reveal and still get a second date? I’m sure you can see how this applies to the NBA.
Placing attractiveness aside, is Kyrie Irving flat-Earth good? I.e., good enough to convince you that the Earth is flat? It certainly appears that way. So, then, what conspiracies could today’s other great basketball players convince you to believe? If Kyrie Irving is flat-Earth good, what does that make LeBron James? Stephen Curry? Russell Westbrook?
The methodology here, like the methodology of all conspiracy-related things, is whimsical. The essential truth of the conspiracy theory — its essence — must also match the essential truth of the player. A statement about the conspiracy must also be true about the player, or something.
It should go without saying that believing conspiracy theories can be reckless and dangerous, but Kyrie Irving is out here very much making it more difficult for teachers to educate children on the basic fundamentals of science, so it bears repeating. Fake news is both a funny internet joke and a real problem. Which is to say, conspire responsibly.
Now, in no particular order, here are 10 great NBA players and the conspiracy theories they could make you believe.