NBA Powerless Rankings: Pistons making business decisions like a business does

1. Boban Marjanovic

This is especially difficult for me because I acquired 27 Bobans just 10 days ago. The Bobans were lonely, disregarded, and I took them in.

I’ve improved them, I think, and I started making a Boban family. Let me introduce you:

First we have Josh Boban. He is a singer.

There’s also Fro-Ban. He has an afro like Moss from the IT Crowd. He’s not as smart as Moss, but he is just as British. That’s nice.

And we have Gohan-ban. He’s the cut-up of the family. He once played a prank, and trust me when I say it was real funny.

And there is Mistletoeban. The less we talk about the two of them the

And there are more. They say to surround yourself with people who impact your life positively, and no one is better than that than Boban. But business demanded he leave for the bright lights of Los Angeles.

So now what am I to do with the 21 Bobans I have remaining?

Boban is Bo-gone. Is there any point in growing my family? Should these be treated as some sort of collectors item that I seal away in vacuum wrap and bring out in 20 years at Boban’s hall of fame induction?

Next: The Encyclopedia of Modern Moves

I don’t like confusion. I don’t like what confusion does to me. I just sit here, Bobans strewn on the floor, carefully trying to move my face so that the tears fall between them onto the carpet so as to not moisten the Bobans. The Bobans must remain crisp.

I don’t know what to do any more.