Who is Lowell Bailey, the elder statesman of the USA Biathlon team?
By John Buhler
Experience is certainly on his side. Can the elder statesman of the USA Biathlon in 36-year-old Lowell Bailey bring home the United States a medal in Korea?
Most people have exited their prime as athletes by their 36th birthday. But that may not be the case for the sage of American biathlon wisdom that is Lowell Bailey. No, the United States hasn’t exactly dominated the greatest Winter Olympics sport you haven’t heard about yet. But Bailey came very close to bringing home a bronze in Sochi in 2014.
He finished in eighth place in the last Olympiad, you know that one in the Russian beach town on the Crimean Sea that may or may not have had all fake snow last year. Bailey was brilliant in the cross-country skiing part of the 2014 Sochi Games. Too bad he missed that one shot that prevented America from medalling in the biathlon for the first time. He shot his shot, but damn.
Sure, Bailey could hung up the skis and put that trusty rifle of his down for a guitar and just played tunes, man in Lake Placid. Too bad that’s the city that made us all believe in miracles, yes! If Al Michaels can still call the biggest sporting event of the year, as in Super Bowl LII, in his early 70s, why can’t Bailey medal for the United States in the biathlon.
Unless you’re Team Leif Nordgren because he’s the American Norse God of biathlon, be Team Bailey, because he’s finished in the top 10 in the Olympics before as a guy over 30. Not to say that he’s the Tom Brady of cross-country skiing and rifle shooting, but’s he mostly the American version of Joe Montana at the biathlon. It’s basically the same thing.
According to his 2018 Winter Olympics bio, Bailey likes to play guitar, drink some coffee, watch some Curb Your Enthusiasm and then go catch some glorious views in Coastal Maine. Word on the street is that the views in Coastal Maine are pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. The four things Bailey likes besides the biathlon are all good things, so that’s all the more reason to root for the guy to bring home the bronze. It’s going to be the best bronze medal ever.
He has been doing this biathlon thing since 2001. It’s been a Space Odyssey for him on quest for an olympic medal, but if he does get it, he’ll be the fifth greatest Vermont Catamount of all-time. You’re just not going to eclipse Trey Anastasio, Jon Fishman (and his man dress), Mike Gordon and Page McConnell because Phish is amazing! Also, Phish Food is amazing, as Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield did spend some time in Burlington, Vermont.
Sure, you could waste your time thinking curling is cool for the fourth time in your life, or you can watch a real sport like the biathlon. Cross-country running is hard enough. Now imagine doing that on skis. When you’re gassed after racing a bunch of people on skis you don’t know, then you have to shoot rifles at targets.
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This is the only olympics sport James Bond would endorse. If you’re going to endorse an olympic athlete this winter, it has to be Bailey. Because next Olympiad, he’ll be 40, just like Tom Brady. Let’s get this guy a medal because he’s ready for it. He’s been doing this for 16 years and hasn’t finished better than eighth place in the big event. It’s Bailey’s time, as in Bailey vs. Time.