10 crazy ideas to liven up NBA All-Star Weekend 2018

2. Replace the gatorade with gin

And put a big concession stand/bar at half court.

I’ll tell you what, when I’m drunk and dehydrated I usually want some food. Water can be there too, but it’s the food that my body seems to think it wants. Nachos are usually good. Nachos are always good, actually.

I’m less concerned about the food than I am the effects that the center-court concession stand would have on play. In the last few years, I have only one lasting memory from the All-Star game. It was when Steph Curry lay on the ground to avoid getting dunked on Giannis Antetokounmpo.

That was funny. It wasn’t great basketball (or really what most people would consider basketball at all) but it made me laugh. “Hahaha,” I said to my TV. “Hahahaha,” I continued.

If the game itself is not going to be competitive or “good,” then let’s just make it sillier. Let’s blow apart a few inhibitions with a liquor mortar and see what happens.

I bet there would be more than just laying down. I bet the celebrations would be at near Robert Sacre levels. The attempts at crazy dunks or crossovers would be far more frequent. People would fall down a whole lot more, people falling down is one of the best things one can watch unless the person falling is Joel Embiid. Then it’s excruciating.

Now, I know what you’re saying. This is dangerous to their health, a bad example to anyone watching, and probably a breach of their contract with Gatorade, but let me offer this perspective: shut up.