Time for a deep dive on Norway, our new Winter Olympic overlords

Judging by what’s happening in Pyeongchang, it appears to be Norway time. I didn’t know exactly what that’d entail, so I decided to figure it out.

Like most Americans, the only foreign country I’m really all that familiar with is Alaska. It seems like a nice place, and Seth Partnow is from there. I like watching the G League, so I decided to check the Olympic Medal Tracker on FanSided.com, your home for sides of fans in the past tense, to see how Alaska was doing.

But I saw something strange earlier in the week. See if you can pick it out yourself.

It’s hiding in plain sight, but it’s so outlandish that it might have shot right through your consciousness and out the other side. I’ll spell it out using words.

I had the same thought as you, “Must be a typo.” Has to be right? Maybe the first and second digits of the total medal count got transposed and United States of Ameriland had 21 medals instead.

But even in that case, we wouldn’t be in the lead. And Norway, which is a country, would have 92 medals. That’s even worse! That’s, like, much much worse!

Fwoosh. Heck darn. I don’t even know, dude.

I double-checked these numbers elsewhere, and every single place said the same thing. America Home of the Brave is in sixth place while Norway Home of the Waze App is in first. No transposition, no miscount, no funny business or foul play. These are the facts of the world around us. We have to adjust.

This isn’t a lamentation, though. The one constant in life is change, and at some point, the strong American eagle talon grip on the vole of the world was going to falter due to old age or a smoking habit. As we go twirling and twirling at terminal velocity toward some parking lot, someone else was going to take charge.

Norway, baby! It’s Norway’s time!

When I say “Nor,” you say Way!”