Congratulations to Shelvin Mack and his 3.9 assists per game!

NEW YORK, NY - APRIL 3: Shelvin Mack
NEW YORK, NY - APRIL 3: Shelvin Mack /

The sad, sad Orlando Magic season should have been over, but no. The Magic Twitter Team want to use Shelvin Mack to dance on its grave. It’s not cool.

When you have absolutely nothing to celebrate, you might as well celebrate absolutely nothing.

The Orlando Magic sent out a tweet that was extremely sad and extremely funny earlier today. Please look at it and then react with whatever emotion you deem most appropriate.

That’s right! Shelvin Mack lead the team in assists at 3.9 per game! That means almost one whole assist per quarter! That means if Mack were to play the first quarter but not get an assist, Coach Frank Vogel could sit him down and say “It’s okay Shelvin, what just happened was extremely unlikely but not impossible. The odds say that for the next 40 quarters, you’ll probably get an assist in 39 of them, and there’s no time like the present!” And then Mack would be back on his feet with fire in his eyes in hopes of throwing at least one good pass. That’s how coaching works.

For those of you thinking “Wow. 3.9 is extremely low. Are we sure it’s not a joke?” Well it is a joke, but it’s the laugh-at kind and not the laugh-with kind. Elfrid Payton was averaging 6.3 per game before the Magic decided “No, we would like less of that please” and traded him for a player that doesn’t physically exist on their roster yet.

Next: What's next for Damian Lillard and the Trail Blazers?

Per Basketball-Reference, Mack’s 3.9 assist per game performance this year slots him at a strong 65th place in the league, just behind Brandon Ingram. He also fended off a surging teammate in D.J. Augustin who finished with a respectable 3.8.

This was a story that went unreported to finish off the year due to anti-small-market bias. Or maybe it was because no one wanted to make Magic fans more sad. Luckily, the Magic are okay with doing it themselves.