Presenting the 2017-18 Premier League Anti-Awards

Crystal Palace's Christian Benteke near missduring Premier League match between Crystal Palace and Stoke City at Selhurst Park Stadium, London, England on 25 Nov 2017. (Photo by Kieran Galvin/NurPhoto via Getty Images)
Crystal Palace's Christian Benteke near missduring Premier League match between Crystal Palace and Stoke City at Selhurst Park Stadium, London, England on 25 Nov 2017. (Photo by Kieran Galvin/NurPhoto via Getty Images) /
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The 2017-18 Premier League anti-awards take a look at some of the worst statistical achievements in the English top flight.

Last year we launched the Premier League anti-awards, inspired by the fine work FanSided’s NBA editor, Ian Levy, does over at Nylon Calculus. The awards celebrate the very worst in statistical performance across a variety of metrics in the English top flight. Without further ado, here are the players you should be blaming for the failure of your fantasy soccer side in 2017-18.

The Stewart Downing Award

This award goes to the player who has taken the most shots without scoring a goal. Stewart Downing had a miserable campaign for Liverpool in 2011-12, taking 72 shots without finding the back of the net. Last year’s winner was Jason Puncheon, who didn’t score this season either.

This award is a close run thing this season, as there are two players who are just three shots apart in the table. Neither has got close to Downing’s level of sterility, but the winner is Wilfred Ndidi of Leicester.

It perhaps feels wrong to present this award to a defensive midfielder, but if Ndidi’s going to take 41 shots, he needs to score now and again. He has scored in the Premier League and Europa League in the past, so he has no excuse.

Nathan Redmond gets an honorable mention here, as he was strongly in the running for this until his goal at Everton in the penultimate weekend of the season.

The Papiss Cisse Award

This award goes to the player who misses the largest proportion of their clear-cut chances. Papiss Cisse missed 12 of 14 (86 percent) for Newcastle in 2013-14. Players have to waste at least 10 clear-cut chances to be considered here. Marko Arnautovic took this trophy home in 2016-17.

The Premier League’s top strikers will always be in contention for this award, as they make up the bulk of the players who miss enough golden opportunities to meet the qualification requirement.

Unfortunately this is a statistic which can be willfully misused by accounts looking for retweets; yes, Mohamed Salah has missed the most, but he has had so many that he doesn’t come close to winning the Papiss Cisse Award.

This award will get renamed in future, thanks to the hilariously inept season Christian Benteke has endured. It hasn’t been a barrel of laughs for Crystal Palace fans watching him either. The big Belgian has had 23 clear-cut chances in 2017-18, but only three of them have nestled in the back of the net.

Benteke missed all three of his big chances cross the first four weeks of the season; I’m sure Frank de Boer will be delighted to present him with the award. He has plenty of time on his hands now, after all.

The Eden Hazard Award

This award goes to the player with the lowest proportion of the chances they created classified as clear-cut. Players must create at least 60 chances to enter here. Hazard lifted this trophy last season, after it was named in honor of his efforts the year before.

It’s something of a mystery how Eden Hazard tops these rankings. Two of his 66 chances in 2015-16 were deemed by Opta to be clear-cut, and that only rose to three from 88 last season.

He does tend to shoot when in a good position rather than pass, which may explain it. Still, having created nine clear-cut chances in 2017-18, there’s no way he’d top these rankings for a third season in a row.

Is there? No. But only just.

Across the previous two seasons, just 3.2 percent of the chances Hazard created were clear-cut. This has risen to a far more respectable 10.8 percent this term. The problem is other players in contention for the award in past years have either picked up their form or no longer qualify for the award.

Hazard’s efforts this season are better than eight other players in 2016-17, but they generally either haven’t played enough this term (Ross Barkley, Puncheon) or are no longer in the Premier League (Dimitri Payet, Robert Snodgrass).

Fortunately for Hazard, Johann Berg Gudmundsson of Burnley has only had 10.3 percent of his chances classed as clear-cut. With a couple of weeks to go, the Chelsea man was still on top here, so he owes Gudmundsson a beer for taking the crown.

The Theo Walcott Award

This award goes to the player with the division’s lowest cross completion rate, with 150 attempts the benchmark for entry. Theo Walcott completed just 16.8 percent of his crosses in 2012-13, and James Milner won this award last season.

This is an award which usually sees the same players in the running year after year. Across the eight seasons of data available, 73 players have qualified for this award, and half of them more than once.

However, a new entrant is our winner for 2017-18. Not only is he new in town, but he’s been so bad that the award will be named after him in future years. I’m referring to Martin Olsson, of Swansea.

The Swede flung in 163 crosses this season, but only 23 found a team mate. Just nine of these in turn created chances, meaning Olsson set up an opportunity this way once every four matches.

Perhaps it might’ve been different had Wilfried Bony played more than 705 minutes, but as it was, Olsson is the Premier League’s worst crosser in the last seven years.

The Yannick Bolasie Award

This goes to the player who completes the lowest proportion of dribbles attempted, from those who’ve tried at least 150. Yannick Bolasie completed just 36.6 percent of his take-ons in 2013/14, and Riyad Mahrez took the prize home 12 months ago.

Where have all the dribblers gone? This is one of the awards which sees the fewest entrants meet the criteria, and this year there are just three. Who do you think has been the least successful out of Eden Hazard, Wilfried Zaha and Riyad Mahrez?

He might struggle to create quality opportunities, but the winner here isn’t Hazard. The Belgian completes over 25 percent more of his dribbles than the other pair do. In fact, his dribble success rate of 77 percent is the best by any eligible player over the last seven years.

The winner, just as it was last year, is Mahrez. His efforts have been marginally better than they were in 2016-17, but he is still adrift of Zaha. The Algerian’s efforts haven’t been as good since Leicester’s remarkable title win, but he’s far from alone within the Foxes’ squad there.

The Joshua King Award

This award goes to the player who most often loses the ball due to poor control. The players considered here have all done so at least 80 times. Harry Kane won this in 2016-17.

This award is the preserve of attacking players. The risk vs. reward nature of offensive play, where making swift movements and stretching for the ball can make all the difference, means you will never see a defender nominated here. It’s not that they don’t make bad touches, but they don’t have the volume required.

For some reason, in 2017-18 we have 16 eligible players, which is at least five more than in any of the last six seasons. Not only that, but there have been plenty of poor performances; four of the top six players for fewest touches per bad touch are from this campaign.

In terms of this season’s winner, Christian Benteke was in line for his second award of the season. However, a late surge from Salomon Rondon saw the West Brom man take the title.

The Baggies’ forward has actually had the most bad touches of any player since 2011-12, so is a very worthy winner here. Harry Kane took this trophy last year, but also the Golden Boot. Rondon is more deserving of a Golden Raspberry for his efforts in front of goal, and this award doesn’t show him in a good light either.

The Chico Flores Award

This award goes to the defender who wins the lowest proportion of his aerial duels. It is named in honor of Swansea’s Spanish center-back Chico Flores, who won 51 percent of them in 2013-14. Players must contest at least 150 aerial duels to be in contention, and Robert Huth was last season’s champion.

They love an aerial duel in England. If you look at which teams in Europe’s top five leagues contest the most duels, the top three (and 10 of the top 20) are all from the Premier League. The “Barcelona couldn’t do it on a cold night at Stoke” line doesn’t exist for no reason.

Promoted teams often feature high on the aerial duel lists, as they are even more prevalent in the Championship. All three sides are in the big leagues’ top 15 this season, and one of their number has won this award; Mathias Jorgensen (a.k.a. Zanka) of Huddersfield Town.

The Dane has won just 51.5 percent of his aerial duels, which is the second worst rate of any of the 87 defenders who have met the entry criteria over the past seven years.

Jorgensen formerly played for PSV Eindhoven and Copenhagen. Statistics for their domestic leagues are hard to come by, but he won 67.6 percent of his aerial duels in European games for those teams. However, the ball spends far more time in the air in England, and perhaps he has struggled as a result.

The Carl Jenkinson Award

This award goes to the defender who most frequently gives away penalties and scores own goals. Carl Jenkinson did so every 329 minutes in 2015-16. Players must give away at least one penalty, score at least one own goal and total at least three to be considered for this award. Burnley’s Ben Mee took the pennant last year.

This is another category where no player has been spectacularly awful in 2017-18. There are also only two eligible players, so I’ll reveal the runner-up: Pablo Zabaleta.

This year’s winner is only ranked 14th in the calamity table for the past seven seasons. He has also only made the minimum number of gaffes required to be considered for this award. The same is true of Zabaleta, so it’s only the minutes played which have separated the two players.

Perhaps the relative value of the mistakes should count for something here. Conceding a penalty when already three goals down against Manchester City is neither here nor there in truth. However, scoring an own goal to give Leicester the opener in a 2-1 defeat is costly, and giving away a penalty in a 1-1 draw with Crystal Palace isn’t great either.

Figured out who I’m talking about yet? Swansea fans probably have, as it’s Federico Fernandez. He also scored two own goals for the Swans in 2015-16, so we shouldn’t be surprised he was in the running here.

Next: Salah deserved Player of the Year, but so did De Bruyne

The John Ruddy Award

This award goes to the goalkeeper who has made mistakes most frequently. Norwich’s John Ruddy made a mistake every 128 minutes in 2015-16. Players have to have seen at least 2,000 minutes of pitch time to be included. Hugo Lloris of Tottenham claimed the award last season.

Hugo Lloris is a very highly rated goalkeeper. However, any statto worth their salt will point to the number of mistakes he makes. Tottenham’s goalkeeper made six which lead to shots last season, which contributed to him winning this award.

He has got worse in 2017-18, and made eight errors leading to opposition goal attempts. That’s the most since John Ruddy made nine in 2013-14; he’s not the eponymous hero of this category for no good reason.

However, this award takes note of more than just mistakes which directly lead to shots, meaning Lloris is in the clear. Our winner has made six of those errors, so is not blame free there, but it’s the six aerial duels lost which gives him an edge in the haplessness stakes.

That’s the most by any qualifying ‘keeper in the past seven seasons, and as it’s an aerial duel issue, it may not surprise you to hear it’s another Huddersfield player who takes this award. Come on down, Jonas Lossl.

Perhaps he and Jorgensen can have a Danish Terriers ceremony where they are both presented with their trophies? I’m busy, if anyone asks.

The Shinji Okazaki Award

Our final award goes to the player who has been substituted in the highest proportion of his starts. This award was named after Lukas Podolski, until Okazaki was taken off in 19 of his 20 starts last season. Players have to have made at least 20 starts to qualify for this award.

Before running the figures on this category, one player seemed like a clear front runner. This is the only award where this was the case, but my assumed winner finished fourth.

If anyone ever wanted proof for why Wayne Rooney was allowed to leave Manchester United, this season has provided it. He hasn’t had an abysmal season, but he has lacked the legs for a midfield role and has often been substituted early on.

It’s a former teammate of his who takes our final award. Only two players have been substituted more frequently in years gone by, and our winner in 2017-18 is Jesse Lingard.

The England international has been withdrawn early in 17 of his 20 starts this season. Lingard has only lasted the full match against Huddersfield, Southampton and Crystal Palace. He has played the 10th most league minutes in United’s squad, but he rarely gets a full match.

That concludes our awards ceremony for 2017-18. A warm round of applause for all of our winners, please. Their ineptitude is a shining example to us all.