Fansided

The ultimate guide to watching the World Cup at work

By Matt Rutkowski

ST PETERSBURG, RUSSIA - JUNE 1, 2018: A 2018 FIFA World Cup flag on Palace Bridge. Alexander Demianchuk/TASS (Photo by Alexander DemianchukTASS via Getty Images)
ST PETERSBURG, RUSSIA - JUNE 1, 2018: A 2018 FIFA World Cup flag on Palace Bridge. Alexander Demianchuk/TASS (Photo by Alexander DemianchukTASS via Getty Images) /
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The One Wall Street tower stands on the corner of Broadway and Wall Street in New York, U.S., on Friday, June 9, 2017. JPMorgan Chase has agreed to provide Harry Macklowe with an $850 million loan to construct a luxury-condo tower at New York’s One Wall Street, enabling the developer to proceed with the conversion of a landmark office building even as the city’s high-end residential market slows. Photographer: Michael Nagle/Bloomberg via Getty Images
The One Wall Street tower stands on the corner of Broadway and Wall Street in New York, U.S., on Friday, June 9, 2017. JPMorgan Chase has agreed to provide Harry Macklowe with an $850 million loan to construct a luxury-condo tower at New York’s One Wall Street, enabling the developer to proceed with the conversion of a landmark office building even as the city’s high-end residential market slows. Photographer: Michael Nagle/Bloomberg via Getty Images /

7. Get a promotion to an office

You have some time in the next few days. Do your job really good, get promoted, move to an office where no one can see what you’re doing.

It’s really that simple. Just do better, and do it very quickly.

Now there might be a bit of a problem here. Sometimes there isn’t an available position. You’re going to need to fix that first.

Pick out one of your bosses you especially dislike or you think is grossly incompetent. Everyone has one (except me, all my bosses are great). Figure out what they’re doing wrong, and document it. Are they stealing company supplies? Are they leaving a mess in the bathroom? Perhaps they’re eating other people’s lunches. The beauty of at-will employment is that you just need to make your boss’s boss not be willing to employ them anymore.

Boom. Done.

Unless it isn’t. In this case, you may have to manufacture evidence against them. Now, I’m not saying this is moral or a good idea legally, but when soccer comes you do what you have to do. Every office’s code of conduct has a weak point. Study it. Learn it. Become it.

Then, break it. Just do it on someone else’s behalf. Shady emails to competitors from your boss’s computer wouldn’t be a bad idea. And then there’s [REDACTED]. If done well, no one will ever know it’s you. Besides, DNA is a myth.

There are a few things I’ve done in the past that have served me well:

  1. Take a [REDACTED].
  2. Set a small dog loose in the [REDACTED] on fire but [REDACTED]. Plus it will make PETA mad.
  3. Tell your coworker’s significant other that [REDACTED A LOT].

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