The first rule of St. Louis Blues fight club is, start winning games

Ice Cold Takes is a weekly humor column covering what is trending in the NHL. The official hockey column of the Seattle Kraken.

There are a lot of names being tossed around for the NHL’s new Seattle Franchise but if it isn’t the Kraken, they’ll be making a huge mistake. The short (kind of long) list of names were chosen a long time ago and there have been a few front-runners being thrown around online lately. “Kraken” is one of them.

Try something new, Seattle. Don’t pick a boring name like “Metropolitans” or “Salmon.” Absolutely no one likes the “Emerald” and the “Seals,” “Eagles” or “Cougars” open you up to many unwanted jokes. “Sockeyes…” you’re cool.

It would be such a hipster Seattle thing to name the team “Metropolitans.” BORING! Don’t mess this up, Seattle. Vegas got half of their name right. (Vegas’ name sounds way cleaner without “Golden” – The Vegas Knights). Be the first expansion team to really nail the name.

Get ready to be disappointed when they most-definitely go with something other than the “Kraken.”

Trending Up

Captain America! 

The greatest American hockey player of all time is back at it again, firing up his team and probably the world by starring in the new Avengers: Endgame trailer. Here it is:

Kessel – https://www.instagram.com/p/BrEqMVeh-Zi/

Wait, this isn’t the Avengers: Endgame trailer? It should be! You can watch that shield thrust a thousand times and not get sick of it. Regardless of  how he looks, he remains one of the most productive forwards in the NHL with 33 points in 30 games for the 13-11-6 Penguins.

Imagine if Captain America cared more about things like offseason training, healthy eating and work outs? He’d be pulling down Gretzky records left and right, ripping 200-point seasons in today’s NHL. Phil Kessel is problematic for the NHL because he’s too damn good. This isn’t even a joke, Phil Kessel might be the best player in the NHL.

Fighting at practice

Does your team suck? Are you playing like trash? Looking for a way out of the hell that is a Central Division bottom-dwelling St. Louis Blues practice? Just scrap!

https://twitter.com/Ginohard_/status/1072218254322454530

Things aren’t usually going well when your players are fighting at practice. That being said, sometimes a good scrap can settle a longstanding beef and motivate the squad to be better. The Blues lost 10 of 14 before this fight but they are 1-0 since! Perhaps they’ve found a new formula.

There’s only one way to tell: Start a fight club. Obviously, you can’t talk about it (Rule #1), but if the Blues keep winning, we’ll know why.

Uhh… Tip-ins?

Nothing like a good deflection goal, right? Whether it hits the tip or the shaft, a deflection can be difficult for a goalie to track. Unfortunately for this referee, he used a different kind of stick to deflect the puck with.

https://twitter.com/EHClothing/status/1072701734093385728

That has to hurt. The goal was obviously disallowed but guaranteed this guy will be sore for a while. Remember, ref, the pain is only temporary. Not many people can say they scored an NHL goal with their you-know-what. Impressive!

Trending Down

NHL interviews

NHL players have been known to give generic, boring interview responses when it comes to mid-game reports. That is no different this season.

Pucks in deep. We get it. We’ve heard it a million times. It’s not these guys’ fault that their answers are so generic and boring, it’s the interviewers. We know they are going to try to get pucks in deep, so maybe ask some new questions. Catch them off guard. Here are a few examples:

“You guys made a late push and came back in the second there. Who do you think is the coolest power ranger?”

“Hey Sid, you had a great push in the last two minutes of that period. Does a straw have two holes or one?”

“You’re down 3-1 going into the period. Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck?”

(Feel free to hit me on Twitter with your answers. @TheRealBruin. Red, two and 100 duck-sized horses).

Jonathan Toews Pierre McGuire

Probably trying to avoid anything negative. Which is the ideal time to break out a backhanded compliment like “They still love you, Jonathan.” Did anyone stop loving Toews? I highly doubt it. Props to Jonny for handling it well. A simple “That’s good” with a confused look is the right way to address this comment.

https://twitter.com/BarSouthNCelly/status/1073207213835972608

Toews has 27 points through 33 games for the Blackhawks this season. Sure, his contract is a little hefty but it’s not like he hasn’t earned it. The team is awful, but that’s hardly his fault. I don’t think anyone in Chicago ever stopped loving Captain Serious. But this is what we’ve come to expect from our guy Pierre McGuire, who says out-of-touch stuff all the time.

Pucksketball 

Hockey players are terrible at basketball. It’s a known fact. These incredible athletes in their physical primes just can not shoot a basketball to save their lives. While the concept of this fun new game looks cool, the execution is terrible.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BrTjetUhf1m/

Brutal form, no arc in the shot, cheering for a 10-foot bank shot? I mean, come on. There isn’t an NHL player on earth that could beat the kid that sat on the end of your bench in high school at one-on-one. We need to close the gap on this. NHL players attempting to shoot a basketball is a bad look for the sport and they need to be better. If any NHL team is looking for a part-time basketball shooting coach to make their players look better on social media, call me.

$100k a year plus benefits. That’s all I ask. It’s a drop in the bucket compared to what you’ll be pulling in for the franchise when the NBA scouts come sniffing around and bring some of that unfounded basketball popularity to the far superior NHL.

Betting with Bruin (7-11)

Another 1-1 week with the Toronto vs. Detroit game hitting the over last Thursday but the Bruins losing a close one to the Lightning. The Bruins are 3-0 since that game and won’t be bet on tonight to avoid the infamous FanSided NHL curse. Don’t mess with a good thing.

Lock: Arizona vs. Buffalo: Over 5.5 goals – Double this up and bet the Coyotes money line as well. Arizona has been winning and losing in groups this season and they are coming off three straight losses. They are due for a turn-around mini-win streak.

Upset: Edmonton (+160) to beat Winnipeg – I have yet to be as sure about two bets this season than I am today. Edmonton is 8-2-1 since hiring Ken Hitchcock and Connor McDavid is now playing more minutes than most defensemen. Ride Edmonton like Hitchcock is riding McDavid.

Keep your head up.

Odds presented by Oddsshark.