Winnie the Pooh: The College Years

What if the Hundred Acre Wood animals went to college? Where would they go? What would they study? In the spirit of Disney, let’s imagine.

So the thing about Disney characters is that they don’t often go to college. That’s doubly true for the ones that are animals. Remember the horse from Mulan? Didn’t go to college. Remember the horse from Tangled? Didn’t go to college. Remember the toy horse from Toy Story 3? He definitely didn’t go to college. I think that was a plot point.

I don’t think this proves anything, but let’s pretend like it does.

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But hey! If Disney has taught us anything, it’s the value of our imaginations. That means it’s at least 95 percent okay to wonder where Disney characters would go to college. So, let’s do that with the characters of Winnie the Pooh.

Winnie the Pooh — Alabama

I’ll just be blunt from the start. Winnie the Pooh himself doesn’t really do a lot for me as a character. Sure he’s kind, and innocent, and incapable of spelling, but it also feels like things happen to him instead of him doing things.

And he’s always there. He’s the constant. Whether or not you want him to be around or care to pay attention to him, he’ll be there.. This reminds me of Alabama. Whether or not you watch or care about college football, you know that Alabama is at the top, like, always, constantly, forever and ever.

His extracurriculars would be putting on the freshman 15 every couple weeks or so. As far as studying, I don’t think he’d realize that’s part of going to college.

Christopher Robin/”Christopher Rauburn” — Auburn

I do understand that the entire world of Winnie the Pooh wouldn’t exist without Christopher Robin the same way the Iron Bowl rivalry wouldn’t exist without Auburn. However, especially over the last 10 years, it kind of feels like Winnie the Pooh would still be as ubiquitous if Christopher Robin didn’t exist.

Yet Auburn does exist. That’s not to say they aren’t important. It’s just to say they aren’t that important.

Robin is a creative dude, though. He’d probably study Creative Writing, and spend his free time Writing Creatively. That’s a noble thing to pursue. However, if I am proof of anything, not all that meaningful.

Piglet — Duke

When I think of Piglet, I think of insecurity. When I think of insecurity, I think of Duke basketball fans. That’s probably mean, but it’s also true.

I don’t really want to go into it because then I might move on from a feeling of pity to one of irritation.

Given Piglet’s personality, I’d imagine whatever he’d study would be through any online classes he can find. As far as extracurriculars go, I don’t really see those happening.

Eeyore — City College of New York

I’d like to think that Eeyore may have been happy at some point. The City College of New York were the first and only team to win both the NIT and the NCAA tournament in the same year. They were perhaps the best team of their era.

But in 1951, their tail fell off. A massive scandal involving players shaving points eventually knocked the school down from the top of Division 1 to a Division 3 school. Seven players were arrested. The state of the school’s sports programs now is just kind of depressing.

So of course Eeyore would end up there. I imagine he’d study philosophy and spend his free waiting for it to rain so he can look out the window at the rain and wish it wasn’t raining.

Kanga — Clemson

This has all been so depressing so far, so let’s turn that around.

Kanga makes me happy. She’s also a kangaroo. The connection to Clemson here is a little bit tenuous, but there’s not really much of a motherly figure in colleges or college sports. The closest I can come to is the feeling of hope in the world she instills.

Until Clemson becomes annoying in their own right, they install that small bit of hope in college football by being able to go toe-to-toe with Alabama. It’s nice, after years of Alabama being the assumed best, that there’s something/someone else in the world that could stop the inevitable. Also Kangaroos are very good athletes, so that fits a perception of Clemson as well.

I can see her studying pediatrics and spending her free time playing some sort of general non-contact sport. Tennis is fun. Ultimate frisbee could also fit her skill set of jumping really high. I think she’d enjoy her college experience.

Roo — Appalachian State

Speaking of hope, Roo reminds me of Appalachian State. When they beat Michigan in 2008, it was probably the roughest sports moment of my life.

But looking at it from the perspective of Appalachian State fans, it must have been incredibly thrilling. It’s that feeling of hope made real. After three straight years of I-AA national championships, they took another leap. We got to watch them grow up in a sense.

It’s hard to say what Roo would study, but I can picture his extracurriculars consisting of absolutely everything.

Owl — Michigan

I went to Michigan. I thought it was great. I’d recommend it. I also realize the outside perception of the school’s students being somewhat arrogant and egotistic is very true. It’s a very Owl quality to have. Sure, Michigan is a good sports school and sure Owl is kinda smart, but not nearly to the extent they’d like to make others think.

This is exemplified best in Jim Harbaugh. From within the world of Michigan, his boisterousness, self-assuredness, and surrounding (seeming) pedigree were on display from the second he first arrived in Ann Arbor. But it’s not been quite as good as everyone there hoped. Sure, it’s still fine, but many Michigan fans don’t consider “fine” good enough.

I think he’d study classical literature, but I know he’d spend hours arguing his grades with his professors at office hours. He’d spend his free time debating politics on Reddit while sitting in a coffee shop.

Rabbit — Florida

I’m going to start by quoting the Disney wiki:

Rabbit has numerous shortcomings…he is controlling and precise, with firm opinions and a strict way of going about his business.

That reminds me of someone who likes Tim Tebow or agrees with his thoughts about college athletes being able to profit off their own images. In honor of that, I feel like Rabbit would be drawn to Florida.

This isn’t necessarily an insult. Rabbit, at their core, is good hearted and fun in their own right. Tim Tebow seems like a good dude too. It’s just the more superficial issues that grate.

I feel pretty safe saying that Rabbit would be studying Horticultural Sciences. That feels like his element inside and outside the Hundred Acre Woods. Plus having warm weather year round would be a nice break from the winters he’s used to. Good times.

Tigger — University of Central Florida

We’re the best. We’re the best. We’re national champions. We’re the best. We’re the best. We’re national champions. The wonderful thing about being a national champion is that being a national champion is a wonderful thing. We’re the best.

The Heffalumps and Woozles — SEC, generally

They’d just all go to various SEC schools. I’m not sure what they’d study, because I’m not sure many people at SEC schools do that. As far as extracurriculars go: drinking. That mostly means just honey, but once they hit the age of 21 then probably mead.

Of course you’re free to disagree with all of these thoughts. Our imaginations are our own, and using them is fun! Yay for that! And if you’re offended, just remember that Michigan lost to Appalachian State in 2008, and that that will never go away. So basically you already win.

Winnie the Pooh: The College Years is not yet a reality, but in the meantime you can watch Winnie the Pooh’s other adventures with a free seven-day trial from Disney+.