5 SEC football storylines Paul Finebaum Show callers will be ranting about this week

There will be plenty of SEC football rants on the Paul Finebaum Show this week, especially relating to the upcoming Florida-Georgia rivalry game.

Nick Saban had a spooktacular 69th birthday, and The Paul Finebaum Show will be better for it.

You only turn 69 once. If you turn 69 on Halloween, that’s double, double toiling trouble. While Saban’s Alabama Crimson Tide shut out the hapless Mississippi State Bulldogs, that wasn’t even a top-five story in SEC football from this past weekend. Once again, we’re getting on other coaches cases and the Finebaum callers will have things to say about their favorite quarterbacks, of course.

The SEC football rants will be spectacular on Finebaum this week

5. Are we about to experience a full-blown Starkvegas mutiny on “The Pirate”?

Do you know what’s not working out this year? The Mike Leach era of Mississippi State football. The Bulldogs defeated the LSU Tigers in their season opener in Death Valley and haven’t won a game since. The Air Raid offense scored 44 points on that late September day and it has scored a grand total of 30 points since. Will “The Pirate” have to walk the plank out of Starkvegas here soon?

Oh, how the semi-mighty have fallen since Dan Mullen left Starkville for Florida three years ago. And we thought the Joe Moorhead era was bad. The only team that stinks more than Mississippi State is Vanderbilt, and they’re Vanderbilt! This ain’t Texas Tech and this sure as hell ain’t Wazzu, PAWL?! State needs to get itself a coach that can coach some SEC football, not this Air Raid crap.

4. How sure are we Ed Orgeron isn’t 2020 Gene Chizik, PAWL?!

I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to say GEAUX TIGAHS after you lose the Tiger Bowl in a laugher to Auburn. Well, that’s exactly where we’re at with Ed Orgeron and his Bayou Bengals. There is a good chance Joe Burreaux’s Cincinnati Bengals will win more games this year than his college team, and the awful AFC North team has a win and a tie through seven weeks of games.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but we had a similar situation happen about a decade ago, in Auburn of all places. Their head coach Gene Chizik won a national title with Cam Newton. Two years later, the bottom fell out of the bag and he was axed. Coach O might be a legend down on the bayou, but 2020 has been nothing short of a disaster for this SEC football power.

3. I tell you what, this was the best I’d done ever seen Bo Nix play ever.

Legacy quarterback, my ass! Did his daddy ever play like that for Auburn, PAWL?! War Damn Eagle. It will be quite the afternoon in the Yellowhammer State when the finest of Finebaum callers give the show’s host their two cents about what happened Saturday. Bo Nix played the game of his life vs. a bad LSU team. So will we be getting more of that out of him or is the LSU defense that bad?

Auburn didn’t need the refs to beat an SEC team this week. Has Lane Kiffin collected his 25 million pennies to play that absurd fine to those fine zebras down in Birmingham way yet? Either way, Nix nixed any hopes of the Bayou Bengals having any semblance of a halfway decent season. Auburn might be good, but this looks like the fifth-best SEC team beating up on the 12th best, I dare say.

2. Kirby is gonna start The Mailman over JT again, ain’t he?

Dawg Nation, start drinking heavily. I know you already are because I’m one of you. It’s hate week vs. those jort-wearing dorks from Gainesville down in Duval. Unfortunately, it does not matter how many times you listen to Larry Munson call Buck Belue’s pass to Lindsay Scott back from the greatest year ever of 1980, we know how this will end in Gardner Minshew’s palatial estate.

There will be more tears collected at the foot of your Dooley/Munson/Walker shrine than you normal. Kirby Smart is gonna be dumb, PAWL?! He’s gonna start “The Mailman” over that cool California kid JT. We’re gonna lose to Cousin Eddie in Duval and not go to Atlanta this year to get our collective ass kicked by Alabama once again. Kirby needs to be fired for this, PAWL?!

1. Dan Mullen went full heel turn WWE style and embrace his inner darkness as Darth Mullen.

Dan Mullen is evil and needs to be destroyed. He went from crashing Clark Griswold’s family Christmas party to becoming the most sinister thing from a galaxy far, far away. He had his players fighting the third-most important SEC Tigers in The Swamp Saturday. He got the Ben Hill Griffin more fired up than Mr. Two Bits ever did, turning mad heel, WWE style into Darth Mullen.

He may have looked more like real-life Professor Chaos than he’d ever want to admit, but oh, hamburgers, Darth Mullen is bringing his mask to Duval to give them Dawgs hell, don’t they?! What’s even weirder is Kirby used to work at the Alabama Death Star for the greatest 69-year-old head coach in football. CBS is about to get the greatest lightsaber battle of all time on Saturday.

As we ascend from the pool of SEC madness from the weekend that was, yes, Paul will have to deal with the amount of Finebaum callers who want to give their two

teeth

cents on why Mullen dressed up as Darth Vader. Once again, Florida used to be underwater for a reason. This officially the weirdest thing to happen to the Florida football program since Jim McElwain and that shark.

Paul, you will deserve a stiff four-fingered drink after Monday’s program of your show.

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