Even for Iowa, the Hawkeyes are looking inept on offense vs. Ohio State

Spencer Petras, Iowa Hawkeyes. (Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images)
Spencer Petras, Iowa Hawkeyes. (Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images) /

Watching the Iowa Hawkeyes offense operate vs. the Ohio State Buckeyes defense is pure, unadulterated agony.

The Imitation Steelers continue to be an anti-modern marvel offensively, as the Iowa Hawkeyes are struggling to move the sticks, even for Iowa standards, against the juggernaut Ohio State Buckeyes.

There have to be at least dozens of other Brians who call Iowa City home who can do a better job of calling offensive plays than Kirk Ferentz’s son. We would all cut off the pinkie on our non-dominant hands to have that kind of job security in this economy. At this point, how many more losses before Gary Barta lets Phil Parker do the whole damn thing and get rid of The Ferentzes?

This graphic speaks for itself. Bold move by FOX to share this one with the kids watching at home.

There has never been a better time to not be able to read or be able to form lifelong memories.

This Iowa offense stinks worse than finding an Easter egg in the bushes in July

The amount of therapy the skill-position players on this year’s Hawks team will have to go through for the rest of their lives is simply incalculable. When converting on third down feels like you are scaling Mount Everest, you have a problem, dude. The absolute shame in it all is Parker’s defense is next level, bruh! They are the offense. It is Tony Dungy Tampa Bay Buccaneers football!

There are people with ideas, and then there are idiots. The cross-section of such meets in Iowa City. When the simply majestic Kinnick Wave greets those amazing kids in the hospital yonder, Hawkeyes abound are showing how many first downs Brian Ferentz’s unit will achieve in a game. The funniest part is the children have been in on the joke the entire time, as they will put five on it.

Ultimately, we are going to experience shameless nepotism offensively in Iowa City until either Cap’n Kirk retires or Barta decides enough is enough is enough! Frankly, the Hawkeyes offense might be better served letting men’s basketball coach Fran McCaffery call plays. A pick-and-roll or a pick-and-pop will do better than whatever our buddy Brian draws up on a laminated play sheet.

The fact Iowa is wasting a generational defense this year should be a fireable offense, but … Iowa!

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