Georgia, Florida release ominous joint statement on future of Cocktail Party

Moving the Georgia-Florida game away from Jacksonville would be a regrettable mistake.

Death, taxes and Georgia-Florida being the CBS’ SEC Game of the Week heading into Halloween.

Well, what if I told you that one of those things may no longer be an inevitability? “Am I gonna live forever, Buhler?” Sadly, no. This comes as quite the shock, I know. “Do I get to keep all of my money then?” Once again, no. Uncle Sam is a greedy curmudgeon who will blow all of your money more shamelessly than a Texas A&M booster. “So the Cocktail Party is dead?” I’m afraid so, son…

Read this joint statement put out by Georgia and Florida and try to convince yourself the single best thing about SEC football will be here to stay for good. Stay together for the kids – blink-182.

The Dawgs and Gators are committed to playing next year’s game in Jacksonville with options to extend it in 2024 and 2025. Of course, they will have to re-evaluate everything once Oklahoma and Texas join the SEC to make it a 16-team league whenever they do get here.

Give me a freaking break, man…

Getting rid of the Cocktail Party is Larry Munson, Mr. Two-Bits utter blasphemy

Of course, this is all about two things: The SEC embracing a nine-game conference schedule once Oklahoma and Texas join the league and recruiting. Always be ‘crootin’. For those who are blissfully unaware about the greatest football pre-game of all time, let me help you out real quick. Instead of playing in Athens and Gainesville on a rotating basis, this rivalry game is in Jacksonville annually.

Let’s be real. If college football was invented today, there would be no chance in hell this game would be played in Jacksonville. The Jaguars would be known by something else in a metropolis elsewhere, and most definitely would not be flirting with London on the reg. But that is the beauty of college football! It doesn’t have to make sense, which is why it’s the greatest sport to ever exist.

Allegedly, Jacksonville is halfway between Athens and Gainesville, but everybody with a brain knows Georgia has to travel further because of science. Well, guess what? If you are a UGA fan, or even better, go to flipping school there, this is one of four greatest weekends of your entire life. For many, this is their first college road game. Things change all the time, but this game is sacred.

For those who want Gators fans to come to Athens, I don’t. Do you think they are going to respect our city? Flip it around, would you be on your best behavior in Gainesville? No! It’s the end of the world as we know it. I don’t feel fine. I won’t back down. And I swear it’s the last time I will explain why bailing on Jacksonville is so bad. If you think it’s good, you’re living in your own private Idaho.

While they have tried to get rid of this rivalry’s name, the Cocktail Party will officially die if it leaves Duval County. It’s not the greatest place in the world, but it is a place where drunk, obnoxious Georgia fans and Gator fans who wear jean shorts congregate and try to have a good time. We crank some Free Bird while stumbling to find Ocean Avenue, as we keep on rolling, rolling, rolling…

Oh, this will still be a rivalry game until the sun explodes or we gotta send Harry Stamper and the boys up to a nearby asteroid to do so earth-saving drilling, dawg. The only problem is it loses the mystique of it all. The greatest moment in Georgia football history happened there in 1980. The voice of god became the voice of god in that moment. Games like this are why you go to Georgia…

Recruiting be damned. Kirby Smart is going to clean up anyway, just like Dan Mullen didn’t in order to give us Billy Napier. Yes, the game will still be fun, but it’s gonna be a real damn shame when Texas and Oklahoma are still playing Red River in Dallas, and there is no Cocktail Party to be had. Like, what am I supposed to do in that moment? Hate Auburn s’more? At least it won’t be on CBS anymore…

Overall, this is a very divisive issue, but it will be a cold day in hell before you see me in Gainesville. I’m sure my skin will fall off once I enter city proper. You can go if you want, but I won’t, never will, as I straight up refuse. You do not make concessions to your most hated rival. They are not welcome Between the Hedges and we are definitely not welcome in The Swamp. That solves it.

I don’t become a massive college football fan without this game, so don’t deny that from an impressionable someone who doesn’t know any better. Let them enjoy the dang Cocktail Party!

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