What made baseball fun this week: Zac Gallen and a bird had trouble with the curve

The Dude of the Week, man: Aaron Judge was an Oracular Spectacular vs. the Toronto Blue Jays

Who doesn’t love finding someone new to hate? Aaron Judge is a giant human being and a giant thorn in the Toronto Blue Jays‘ side. With one look more powerful than Blue Steel, Ferrari and Le Tigre, Judge unleashed Magnum on the Jays’ dugout, and it was beautiful! It was an Oracular Spectacular, but now is the Time to Pretend that he didn’t catch onto the Blue Jays tipping pitches.

So the best part about this is Judge now covers his eyes like he’s fighting Medusa when he reaches base. Emotion Sickness be damned, he is shocking the Jays with his bat like an electric eel. With the Electric Feel pulsing through his veins, no lead is safe, Kids. If you have any 6-foot-7 beef with that, you’re just gonna have to take it up with MGMT first. Or you can blame Canada. Either way!

Look … I see it, too. There is no facial hair to be found on any of these damn Yankees. I wish these guys could rock a sweet pair of unnecessary sideburns like Martin Brodeur, Roberto Luongo or the Austinite holy triumvirate known as Fastball did in their majestic primes. With Judge in his prime, where is he going without ever knowing The Way? He is covering his face up the entire time, y’all!

Let’s just hope he makes it to the fiddle festival, as opposed to the bottom of a Hot Springs ravine.

But what about the fans??? | You’re killing me, Smalls… | I don’t believe what I just saw!