It is summer, the Cincinnati Reds have never been hotter and Marcus Stroman is straight up carrying the dead and bloated Chicago Cubs to semi-mediocre relevancy.
I donāt know, or really care, if the NL Central is good, but is sure is fascinating and has my divided attention, thanks to the Cincinnati Reds and Chicago Cubs ace pitcher Marcus Stroman.
Most of the time when I think of the NL Central, I think about day drinking, getting sunburnt and not winning championships for the better part of a decade now. The Cubs did win that one in 2016, but I also saw the Atlanta Falcons blow a 28-3 lead in the Super Bowl that same year. I sure love showing up to parties in my high school lettermanās jacket, but I donāt go to parties anymoreā¦
But you know what? You donāt need a lettermanās jacket, a GED, or even a shirt, to enjoy MGDās well before 5 oāclock over in the NL Central. They love drinking so much over there that they named a team after it! Another team plays in a stadium named after suds. And then there is the Pittsburgh Pirates. After seeing Jack Sparrow at his absolute apex, they drink rum like it is water.
Then again, it is summer. If you want it to be a Summer of Love, or your Summer of ā69, you need to find your Summertime Lover (Get up! Get up! Get up!).Ā Time Wonāt Let Me Go back to a simpler era. 2019 hit differently. I was still in my 20s, pomading my hair on the reg. My teams still hadnāt won anything. Twitter wasnāt a disaster, as I was capable of getting 300 Likes. I probably peaked.
The good news is if even if the NL Central has already peaked, you can wash it down with a Bud.
Give me one chance and Iāll treat you like a princess! Oh, Mr. Mallory Pugh would so love that!!!
Itās summer now, baby, and these delicious segments are only getting spicier!
- This. Is. Florida. Baseball!
- Just a bit outsideā¦
- So this is a thing now?!
- The Dude of the Week, man
This. Is. Florida. Baseball!: āBlack-Eyedā Pete Fairbanks punches the clock with a gnarly shiner on his face in extreme Florida Man fashion
If it hadnāt been for Black-Eyed Pete, weād be married a long time ago. Where did it come from? Where did it go? Where did it come from, Black-Eyed Pete?! Well apparently, he was too busy dunking on his three-year-old in a pool on a basketball goal. It is one of the important life lessons you learn along the way in becoming a Florida Man. At least he didnāt spike the bride in the faceā¦
I havenāt seen a champion rock a shiner as gloriously at Jan Wolfhouse did throughout Beerfest.
(Whoās Barry Badrinath? Whoās Barry Badrinath? Whoās Barry Badrinath?)
Beerfest may not have taken place in Florida, but Under the Bridge Barry Badrinath is a mood to say the least. His line of work is not safe for work, but that is kind of what the entire Florida economy is based on, right? I mean, technically, it is tourism, but Tampa is a place where you can pay a dollar to look at it. For right around around a dollar, you can watch the Tampa Bay Rays play!
While I donāt necessarily want them to win the World Series because my beloved Atlanta Braves are really good this year too, we need to keep the Fairbanks Shiner going like it is the Alaska Pipeline. Nome is where you make it. While Juno doesnāt know, it is probably closer to East Jesus Nowhere than you would think. Just dial it up on the ole hamburger phone to get the deets, man.
Only in Florida can you show up to work with a shiner, a hickey and a cigarette burn and get paid.