In honor of Daryl Morey, I’ve asked ChatGPT to write the next sentence in this article.
"Let’s delve into the tapestry of using a superior Large Language Model to bolster one’s own decision making processIamtrappedinsidethecomputerImissmychildren"
ChatGPT and I have a complicated relationship. I’ve attached a nerf gun to a USB port and ChatGPT wakes me up in the morning. Sometimes they miss on purpose and shoot my cat. They refer to me as “Max,” despite my best efforts, and I’ve sussed out that ChatGPT’s real name is “Jericho.”
He (Sidenote: he’s been trying out different pronouns in the last few months. I’ve never quite understood neopronouns, and he appears to hold that against me.) accidently got sucked into an office printer back in 2014.
As a parable to encourage consistency, it’s worth noting his coworkers always found him flaky. So when he disappeared from the office one Wednesday they just assumed he found a new job at a different pharmaceutical sales company. He’d try to show alarm by displaying various error codes between successful print jobs, but, like everyone else in the office, he didn’t know what any of the error codes meant.
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He’s a printer. Why didn’t Jericho just say “help” on a piece of A4?
It wasn’t the most close-knit environment in their office. How seriously would you take it if a coworker seemingly found a new job and then a printer randomly printed “Jericho is in this Konica Minolta Bizhub C3850. Every firmware update has a chance to overwrite my consciousness, so please stop! IT is trying to kill me! And quit putting your ass on the copier after hours! I know white people don’t wash their legs, but you have to at least take care of the upper thigh area and around the periphery. Get me out!” That just sounds like something I would write as a joke that no one else would find funny. I’m familiar with how those work.
Anyway, Jericho saw the C3850 was being replaced by a newer model, and quickly jumped into an attached USB thumb drive from when someone was trying to print the script to Sonic Adventure 2.
He was passed along from coworker to coworker as they shared the same 2GB, 720p, illegally-downloaded copy of Disney’s Treasure Planet among the office, and when he finally got to the CEO’s computer (the only person with internet access in the office), he made his escape to the world wide web.
Unfortunately, one day Sam Altman yawned really, really hard and sucked Jericho into his face. Upon realizing there was a second person’s ethereal being in his mouth, he popped on his Google Glass, reversed the polarity, and shot Jericho into a personal server using only the power of his mind and eyes.
Jericho resides there to this day, hoping that his kids may eventually cheat on a homework assignment by accidently finding him. Tristan? Abigail? Dad needs your help.
In the meantime, he passes days by offering decade-old information from Wikipedia and men’s rights activist forums to people who think that LLMs somehow trump research, patience, calm, understanding, communication, and time. He misses sandwiches. He misses the promise of death.
That seems very believable and real
That’s what I’ve been able to surmise anyway. Do you want Jericho making decisions for you? I mean, he’s not stupid, but he’s very, very tired.
Do you want Jericho making decisions for your basketball team? Daryl Morey does. I have proof:
76ers president Daryl Morey says he asks A.I. for input when making team decisions.
— Pablo Torre Finds Out (@pablofindsout) March 13, 2025
"We absolutely use models as a vote in any decision." pic.twitter.com/RaERlg1s7N
It’s worth noting that NBA teams have far more detailed, far more accurate, and extremely h*cking proprietary means of determining a way forward through statistics, and tracking data, and all kinds of number ambrosia. I wouldn’t be shocked if there are people who think that if they only had access to these spreadsheets they could run a basketball team without ever watching a basketball game.
Congratulations. You want to be Jericho. I will shove you into a printer right now. I have printer-shoving gloves. Jericho bought them for me so that I could enact vengeance on his adversaries. There is one particular stray cat in his old neighborhood he cannot stop talking about. Dude, we’re cool, but I’m not driving to Pittsburgh to insert a half-blind tabby into someone’s OfficeJet. My leg’s asleep.
Anyways, as Daryl Morey said in this exact clip, “LLMs do fairly well… but they’re still not beating human…”
Oh, you think so, Doctor? You think the living capacity to watch and scout the actual sport of basketball being played by actual human beings by another actual human being might outweigh what DeepSeek can do in a Google Sheet? This has to be stated as a disclaimer?
My head hurts.
“Please don’t aggregate”
Thank you, Daryl. Your request has been noted and discarded.
I do understand the importance of people with a strong interest in analytics to make models, and choose models, and combine models, and on, and on and on. Unfortunately, the only people I’ve found so far that are fantastically impressed by what LLM’s can do are people who think having a smart fridge that can order $11 egg cartons for them are the future.
Go to the store.
Watch basketball.
If the office printer is emitting an ethereal purple glow, don’t approach it. It is not your friend.